Thursday, 19 March 2015


TOMORROW THERE WILL BE A SOLAR ECLIPSE, but whatever you do, DON'T go outside and watch it, just in case you burn your eyes. In fact, don't go outside at all, because on any other day of the year, the sun will still be in the sky, and will, in fact, be brighter and more visible than when it is 85% obscured by our planet's closest natural satellite*.
Just don't be unsafe. You can't be trusted to do a damn thing by yourself. Kindly download this form at once and complete it before you attempt anything, ever. Fill it in and submit it to me. Because I'm Pope, and I'll decide who gets to enjoy themselves, and in what ways, thank you very much.

*Ok, I'm probably wrong on this. So I missed that edition of QI. Bah. Up yours.

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