Your Opinion Matters. Wait - No It Doesn't. And Neither Does Mine

I was going to blog about this week: a lot has happened. But I’ll tell you all of that next time, because the following exchanges occurred this morning before I’d even got out of bed.

Yes. I'm in this.

I say ‘exchanges’; they weren’t. I told you last time, I don’t do social media spats. But, but, but. This is beginning in the middle. Let’s wind back a little bit.  Earlier this week, issue 242 of Skin Deep Tattoo Magazine went on sale. I admit I haven’t had cause to get all that excited about SDTM in the past, but now I have reason to be – and not just because I’m in it. Yes, I had a small tattoo somewhere private* as a result of youthful folly, but I never, ever dreamed I’d get another one, or that it would be huge, or that it would raise £2000 for charity, or that it would – oh, here it comes – end up as a five-page reader profile in a magazine. 

See? Told you

 I won’t say anything about the article – bloody go and buy a copy. It’s well worth the money and there’s a nice picture of my bum in it. Besides, you know, all the other cool tattoos and much-prettier girls. But – exposure… it has a circulation of fifty-odd thousand or something, so you never know what will come of it. Then, this morning, something did. One thing, definitely: I don’t know about the other two. It’s possible. I ended up with the feedback classic, the Shit Sandwich.

Layer one: Nice Gentleman, sent this. Charming words AND he liked some of my poems. What a lovely thing to say! Earns a deep curtsey from me, not to say a flutter of my fan. My actual fan. Seriously, Shup, people.

Layer two: hardly a Gentlemanly response to the image on the right, but if all opinions are valid, his is too**. As you know, I don’t respond to this kind of thing, but I did share it – quite objectively, I hope; with a hint of sarcasm, I admit.  A flood of comments followed – again, not a wave of support but plenty of feelings on both sides of the argument. Privately someone suggested I take a look at his profile and rip him to pieces. No. I just wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter. Again, as has happened before, I’ve reached a place in my life where this kind of thing doesn’t hurt. I wonder, though – does that actually make me a Condescending Witch? Oh, the irony…

And finally, Layer three: layer three is just delicious. Layer three is not a slice of Hovis 50/50. It’s not even a complex handmade Seeded Batch. It’s a delicate, melting Brioche, lightly warmed between the thighs of a –

Well. Read it yourself. It was a private message, from a woman. Her permission to share it has been sought and obtained.

Have you read this far? Well done, you. Seriously, I'm impressed. Thank you. I check my blog stats: no fucker reads it. Ever. The only time they even glance at it is when there are pictures of tits and arse in it, and then the chances of them actually looking at the words are almost nil. So yes, I will continue to voice my opinion, safe in the knowledge that no-one will ever, ever know what it is.

Not really my opinion. Lighten up.

• Damien Hirst can't fucking paint. 
• Some people are beautiful, both inside and out. 
• Others, though, are just c*nts. 

Ignore this. My opinions are no more valid than the next fool's. See below.

Then kiss me, Motherfucker.

*I say ‘private’ – didn’t stop me getting it out at the the Great British Tattoo Show when a random individual asked to see it. Can’t believe I did that. Well… there’s a lot of nudity at these events. You stop worrying about it after a while. Still – tut, tut

**All opinions are NOT valid. Ever read ‘Have Your Say’ on the BBC website? For fuck’s sake.

Tea and Tits with Dulcie Demure

On Saturday 27 October, WESTWAY CINEMA welcomes the return of LUX DE VILLE. In true Variety style, the show includes beautiful girls, fabulous music, singing, dancing, a little risqué comedy and – Poetry? Yes, Compere for the evening is Frome’s home-grown Poetrix Muriel Lavender, she of the naughty costumes and the even naughtier verse. 

We met with Dulcie Demure, founder of and principal performer at Dulcie Demure's School of Burlesque, to find out more. Over a sophisticated cup and saucer. With our pinkies sticking out.

Dulcie, this is the first Burlesque show at the Westway in over a year. What’s been happening?

‘We’ve been super busy performing at lots of local events, including Lolita Noir’s wonderful Crimson Cabaret event for PAC at Rook Lane last month. We’ve also been shooting a film with a talented Trowbridge artist, plus our usual modelling shoots and promo work for our next show, Lux de Ville!’

I heard about Crimson Cabaret - it was a sell-out show! Is Lux de Ville anything like that?

‘Yes – if you loved Crimson, you’ll love Lux-De-Ville: the same decadent styling and cabaret format. But each Burlesque show has a different feel to it. We like to keep the audience on the edge of their seats! And this time, we’re having fun with the Hallowe’en theme, so expect beauty and laughter with a dark-and-naughty twist!’

A dark twist! Sounds intriguing! How dark can you get with glitter and a feather boa, though?

‘Not every Burlesque artiste uses a feather boa!  We have quite a few tricks up our sleeves… but I couldn't possibly give away any secrets – you’ll have to come along to the show to find out just what we have in store for you!’

Tell me about Burlesque - isn't it just girls taking their clothes off?

‘Many people do think Burlesque is just stripping. It’s not. True, classic Burlesque is all about Variety: comedy, dancing and singing, and of course the seductive art of striptease. Because it conjures up the obvious images, it’s often forgotten that a Burlesque show is a highly sophisticated entertainment, carefully woven together in the old-fashioned cabaret style. The performers themselves take great pride and a lot of time and effort designing their routines and beautiful costumes.’

 

There's more to it than I thought. It's been around a long time, hasn't it?

‘Burlesque as an art form has been around for centuries, making many transitions since the 1400's when it originally meant ‘to make light of a serious subject’. The style we’re familiar with today has its roots in early 20^th-century America, We still try to maintain the comic art of Burlesque, which adds to the pleasure of classic striptease.’

And why the Westway? It's a Cinema...

‘The Westway is an independent Cinema which means it has a lovely welcoming atmosphere. The interior fits perfectly with Lux-de-Ville – although the Westway was rebuilt in the 1970s, it somehow has a slightly Art-Deco feel which adds to the Vaudevillean entertainment! The Cinema deserves the support of local people, so as part of the fun we’ll be holding a raffle with gorgeous prizes to raise money for the Go-Digital scheme. For Lux-de-Ville though, it’ll be transformed into a theatre with proper stage and comfy seating! You’ll love it. And it has a fully-licensed bar and snacks available – perfect!’

How did you get into the business then, Miss D?

‘I’ve been a dancer for over 20 years. I started Burlesque back in the early 90's when I lived in London, but gave up when I had my daughter.  I then went into Podium dancing and ran a dance school, but my love for vintage clothing and the art of Burlesque just dragged me back!  I set up Dulcie Demure’s School of Burlesque in 2009 and it’s gone from strength to strength: I’ve trained many ladies who are now performing on stage. Not only do I teach and perform myself, I also produce shows like Lux-de-Ville across the southwest and Wales. I meet amazing performers all the time, so as well as my own troupe I get some spectacular headline acts. Wait until you see Constance Peach…’

Gosh. See you on the 27^th!

Lux-de-Ville is at Westway Cinema on Saturday 27 October and Saturday 15 December. Headline performers will be different for each show, so check in online to find out more, and save by booking tickets in advance. Visit www.westwaycinema.com or call 01373 467088. Facebook users can look up the Westway Cinema, Dulcie Demure or Muriel Lavender for photos and sneak previews.