Saturday, 19 May 2012

I WAS POST-COITAL. FIVE STARS*****


A bit of Globe
I have been meaning to write this for a while… but then, I’ve been meaning to do the ironing and redecorate the bathroom for a while, and I haven’t done either of those.  
But, but, but.
I’ve been to the Theatre.  Yes, I have.  Twice.  And I don’t get out much.  Here are my thoughts about Globe productions, because when one doesn't get out much, one likes to get one's pennyworth for one's penny.

My children (known hereafter as 'The Sprigs') have been to the Globe before.  Aged three months, Little Sprig had to be removed from Much Ado for excessive wriggling; eight-week-old Tiny Sprig slept through Titus in 2006.  Little went again in 2008 to see Romeo and Juliet, and I had to hold him up in my arms for the entire performance. He was riveted.  Here we go – Magic #1: the close connection between Globe audience and Globe actors. I can’t sit at the Globe: despite its generous cushioning, my derrière does not find the benches terribly comfortable.  One can hire padded things to satisfy one’s arse-demands, but I’d much rather stand in the groundlings’ yard: with my chin resting on the edge of the stage, and barely inches of airspace between us, I can see and feel the actors’ performance in a way that I never experience anywhere else.  Here’s Globe actor Geraldine Alexander (pictured), pretty much agreeing: “I think the biggest thing you learn from the Globe… is that there’s no such a thing as a generic “crowd”. The audience is made up of individuals… when I go into another space to work, I pretend I can see faces.”**  
photo: Geraint Lewis

By comparison, my own performance experience is minuscule – but I do truly understand how important it is to be able to see the audience when I’m performing poetry. I need reaction; eye-contact; it’s as though I am showing them a picture, and I want to know they’re seeing it the way it’s meant to be seen.  Stage lights, blinding the actors to the watching audience’s faces!  It now seems ludicrous.  Why pretend they’re not there?
Which leads me on to Magic #2: The Globe is How It Should Be Done.  I don’t have any formal stage training. I don’t know how many critics actually do, but as it doesn’t stop them freely giving their opinions, it needn’t stop me either.  But it’s not difficult to see and hear what works, what works on stage, and the level of dedication necessary to achieve it.  Globe actors enunciate every word perfectly.  It’s such a joy to hear. I don’t mean RP; I ent sayin’ they talk posh or nuffin’.  They simply speak, opening their mouths and letting the sounds out. The Sounds Out.  Big, and Round, Let the Sounds Out.  
King Henry should sound like King Henry - not Prince Harry. That’s what I’m trying to say.  
Groundling Gates
Here’s Geraldine Alexander again: “…be as precise in your relationship with [the audience] as you are with your objectives in the scene.”* I am not surprised at her use of the word, since ‘precise’ is the very one I would use to describe her style.  Having played numerous roles at the Globe, including Ariel (The Tempest) and Tamora, Queen of the Goths (Titus Andronicus), her portrayal of the latter has become my benchmark for good performance. Whenever I see a round-shouldered Lady Macbeth thumping across a stage; a Queen Elizabeth I gobbling her own consonants before they can issue from her mouth; a former soap actress fluffing her line yet again (Yes, Lucy Benjamin, I’m talking to you); a popular TV panel game comedian cocking up the end of his show after his fifth large vodka during it; whenever I see that, I wish for Geraldine and the Globe.  I remember watching her in Titus, when her every movement was sharp, and measured – precise, even – and in character.  She gave more in one tiny flick of her wrist than – than what? Than a whole bucket of tired-out well-known actors, their performances made flabby by a surfeit of television dramas which must, always, be called ‘gritty’. 


THAT poster. Thanks, everyone. XXXX
Let’s go back to MND:  In this production, Puck was played by Fergal McElherron, who also played Balthazar/Potpan in Romeo & Juliet (2008). We have it on DVD, so both Sprigs have probably watched it once a week for a year.  They really do love it (reassuring), and they’re big fans of Fergal’s, so I was desperate to get them along to see him play Puck.  Unfortunately, the (free, standing) tickets were snapped up within minutes of the box office opening… so we mounted a campaign.  A poster went up on Facebook (left). It also went up at the Globe.  Puck himself must have worked some magic because somehow we ended up with enough tickets for me, the two Sprigs, and Grandmama and Grandpapa L too!  My huge and sincere thanks to those involved – you know who you are. 
Small People eat sandwiches
And here are the Sprigs, eating lunch before the performance. As it was a schools’ event, the young cast members came onto the stage to say hello, singing songs and handing out flags to the children (‘T & H’ – for Theseus and Hippolyta’s marriage).  I had a quick chat with strikingly beautiful Emma Pallant (Hippolyta/Titania). She told me how warm her magnificent costume was, a blessing in the cold weather, and how much she enjoyed the uniqueness of playing the Globe. 

And the performance?  MND is a complicated plot, so I didn’t know how successful the outing would be, or whether I would just end up removing a wiggly five-year-old and a bored seven-year-old from the Groundlings’ Yard and sloping off to Pizza Express. I had prepared them a little: we read the storybook together, and watched the film version with Rupert (mental block! had to Google him) Everett and Kevin Kline.
Photo: Ellie Kurtz
Magic #3: Special effects are not required.  Children don’t need over-stimulating.  They get it.  The four beautiful young lovers (Helena, Hermia, Lysander and Demetrius) also played Titania’s Fairies; the Mechanicals (Quince, Flute, Starveling, Snout and Snug) changed dramatically into psychedelic-steampunk fairies with mad-scientist goggles.  The Sprigs seemed to have no problem following the story – which, it must be said, was staged and choreographed so expressively that the tale could almost have been told without words. As soon as Act 1 opened, saucer-eyed Tiny Sprig whispered in my ear: Is that Hermima? Where’s the nother girl? I don’t like the shouty Daddy.  She was hooked.  Little Sprig had a more sophisticated grasp of technique – Oberon’s declaration of “I am invisible” was perfectly sufficient for him.  So much so that when Puck returned to the stage for the final jig, Little asked, Can the others see him now?

Globe, your work here is done.

Star-struck Tiny meets Fergal McElherron
Here is Tiny Sprig with Fergal (Puck), who is sporting a wound to his nose.  We attended Talking Theatre after the performance, where the audience may put questions to some of the cast members and hear what it’s like to put on Shakespeare’s plays in an authentic space.  It’s such a lovely experience: the actors are quite as interested to hear the audience’s responses, as they can be to hear the actors’.  Little wanted to know how Puck managed to climb into an ordinary suitcase and vanish – because it looked like magic from where we were standing. Puck himself explained about the secret trap door underneath – and the bump he’d got on the nose this time when he dived through it!  Fergal had clearly acted as a mentor for some of the younger cast members, and their respect and appreciation was evident in the way they spoke of their experiences in rehearsals.  I wanted to know a secret: Oberon’s costume was trimmed with luxuriant green-black plumage, and by the end a few feathers had drifted around the stage.  When the cast began to return for the final jig, I saw Puck give Hermia’s hand a tiny squeeze as he slipped the string of a balloon to her.  Caught in the string was one of Oberon’s feathers.  I was caught by the sweetly touching gesture, which seemed far too small to be a stage direction.  How came it there?  Again, Puck explained. ‘Did you spot that? I saw one of the feathers lying backstage, so I picked it up and tucked it into the string. I just added that myself, it was a little touch for anyone who noticed.’
The Globe in Cake. Not mine - my one was a bit rubbish

SHAKESPEARE'S GLOBE – 
The Wooden ‘O’.  M.G.



A Midsummer Night's Dream


*****My opinion of 'Anne Boleyn', Globe Touring production, May 3, Theatre Royal Bath. The other play I went to see.  This is not the only reason they don’t let me into the Guardian’s Review section
 
*Dr Jaq Bessell, ‘Shakespeare’s Globe Research Bulletin 18, March 2001: Actor Interviews 2000’. You can download it here. Do – fascinating reading.



Thursday, 12 April 2012

Poetry for Beginners

On Wednesday I popped along to the Garden Cafe, here in Frome, for another fabulous Crysse Morrison-hosted open-mic poetry evening.  Mr L was out motorcycling so I had to take Little Sprig and Tiny Sprig along too - but I like them to come: they know Mummy writes poetry; they know she performs it in her frilly knickers; rather sweetly they tell their teachers they like Mummy's poems the best.  Lovely, but clearly very important to expose them to the works of lots of other poets too.  
The theme for the evening was 'On the Road Again', and so we listened to the headlining guest poets Mo Robinson and Paul Tobin (please follow the links to find out more about them, they were each an absolute joy in very different ways).  Crysse will blog far more eloquently than I can so I will limit my remarks on the evening; partly because I retired with the Sprigs to the back room in order that the listeners should not be disturbed by small people, so I had to strain to hear the wonderful contributions from Liv Torc; Rosie Eliot; Rose Flint and Dawn Gorman amongst others.  By arriving prepared with dot-to-dot books and crayons, I didn't realise I would only be making it worse - who knew colouring in was such a noisy affair?  
At interval time, we made our excuses and left. The Sprigs were pooped. They'd had an exhausting day being really nice to each other (delightful; almost unprecedented).  I was prepared to agree to anything by then, so we had pyjamas, milk and cookies at ten-thirty p.m. 
The point is this: we sat with our milk and cookies, feeling very naughty because all 5-7 year olds should have been in bed hours ago, and I asked them if hearing all those poems had inspired them.
The responses say it all. The first is by Little, aged 7, and he says 'Mucky Puppy' represents his little sister, and 'Tidy Teddy' represents himself.  The second is by Tiny, aged 5, and I am grateful for both the frog and the plum.

Poem 
The mucky puppy eats ice cream
The tidy teddy eats vegetables
They mesh together
To make vegetably ice cream
And they both share
© Little Sprig, April 2012


Poem

A princess had a princess toy
She said to her King
She will get married in her castle
She will play with her dolly
And she will have her Prince and her King and Queen
This was her King and Queen and her toy frog
Her frog was in a pond and it had a plum
And it was a smiley face frog

The End

© Tiny Sprig, April 2012

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

The Chest That Launched A Thousand Bricks

On a recent flight to New York, I was delighted when the Captain announced: ‘This is your Captain speaking. In the event of a forced landing on water, all passengers should make their way to the woman in seat 36F, whose magnificent chest-mounted flotation devices will be your best chance of survival.’ He added, cheekily, ‘Phwoarrrr!’
You’re probably thinking ‘what a lovely surprise’. But while it was lovely, it wasn’t a surprise. At least, not for me.

‘Whopping Jugs’: But Muriel says that her floating funbags have been a mixed blessing, with many of her own sex becoming resentful, and have closed as many doors as they have opened

Throughout my adult life, I’ve regularly had men I don’t know leering at me in restaurants. Once, a well-dressed chap bought my train ticket when I was pressing my enormous assets into his back in the queue, while there was another occasion when a charming gentleman fondled my norks as I stepped out of a cab in Paris.
Another time, as I was walking through London’s Portobello Road market, I was tapped on the shoulder and invited to sell ‘the one of those puppies with the pink nose’.  Even bartenders frequently don their horizontal blinkers when I try to settle my bill.
And whenever I’ve asked what I’ve done to deserve such treatment, the gents have always said the same thing: Gor Blimey Missus, You Don’t Get Many Of Them To The Pound, Eh? Eh? Woo-Hoo-Hah-hah!
While I’m no Pamela Anderson, I’m tall, slim, usually pink-haired and so, I’m often asked whether I am definitely a woman. I know how lucky I am. But there are downsides to having massive mammaries — the main one being that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely jubblies.
If you’re a woman reading this, I’d hazard that you’ve already formed your own opinion about me — and it won’t be very flattering. For while many doors have been opened (literally) as a result of my looks, just as many have been metaphorically slammed in my face — not literally, obviously, on account of my ginormonus gazungas.
I’m not smug and I’m no flirt, yet over the years I’ve been dropped by countless friends who felt threatened if I was merely in the presence of their other halves. If their partners dared to actually look at my baps, a sudden chill would descend on the room.
And most poignantly of all, not one girlfriend has ever asked me to be her bridesmaid.
You’d think we women would applaud each other for taking pride in our appearances.
Unfortunately women find nothing more annoying than someone else having the biggest bazoombas in a room.
Take last week, out ‘walking the dogs’, a neighbour passed by in her car. I waved — she blatantly blanked me. It seems the only crime I’ve committed is not leaving the house wearing a robust hessian undergarment. Incidentally, she has knockers like two aspirins on an ironing board.

Hello Dolly: Muriel laments that not one of her girlfriends has ever asked her to be a bridesmaid - perhaps from fear of being overshadowed by her impressive melons

 Large-breasted women don’t have it easy. If you are well-upholstered, other women think you lead a perfect life — which simply isn’t true.
 They don’t realise you are just as vulnerable as they are. It’s hard when everyone resents you for your hooters. Men think “what’s the point, she’s out of my league” and don’t ask you out. And women don’t want to hang out with someone with bigger charlies than they have.
Take last summer and a birthday party I attended with my husband. At one point the host, who was celebrating his 50th, decided he wanted a photo with all the women guests. Positioning us, the photographer suggested I stand immediately to his right for the shot.
Another woman I barely knew pushed me out of the way, shouting it wasn’t fair on all the other women if my considerable assets were dominating the snap.
Perhaps one day the sisterhood will finally stop judging me so harshly on my unparalleled shirt potatoes, and instead accept me for who I am. Because I’m lovely. Obviously.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

Happy Birthday, Douglas Adams

Image: http://lefthemispheres.blogspot.com
Today would have been Douglas Adams' 60th birthday. I will leave it to Terry Jones to reminisce on the BBC website; after all, he knew Douglas and I didn't.  Douglas is a man I admired during his lifetime, but still feel I had barely begun to properly appreciate him before he died.  And now there's no more Douglas. (This gloomy list grows longer: Linda Smith is on it. John Peel is on it. Elizabeth Spriggs is on it. Mo Mowlam is on it. Heath Ledger is on it. Nick Clarke, presenter of The World at One is on it.) I want to remember Douglas today, a man the world is desperately poorer without. Everyone who knew him and his genius knows why, so instead of repeating what others have said more eloquently than I can, I present to you a short exchange of emails which has just concluded this evening and which serves to cement my belief that humanity has been robbed of a great and necessary mind.

FIRST EMAIL: from 'Emma' to Freecycle*
> WARNING FROM POLICE
> NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS (NOT A JOKE)'
> Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating.. You walk across the car park, unlock your car
> and get inside. You start the engine put it into Reverse. 
>
> When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your space, you notice a piece of 
> paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you stop and jump out of your car 
> to remove that paper that is obstructing your view. That is when the 
> carjackers appear out of (blah, blah, blah etc)

SECOND EMAIL: from 'Tim' to Freecycle
From Hoax-Slayer.com - False - Totally unsubstantiated, examples of this email given from America in 2005 and from Australia. Like most of these supposed warnings nothing but urban legends.

THIRD EMAIL: from Muriel to 'Tim'
Thanks for this, Tim. I was going to do the honours, but have moved on from spleen to apathy at these “forward this or your bum will fall off” emails.

Keep the candle of rational thought burning!

FIFTH EMAIL: from 'Tim' to Muriel
By posting that it is an urban legend I am apparently giving criminals ideas on how to commit crime. I see why you gave up.

Keep sane.

... and the FOURTH EMAIL, forwarded to Muriel by 'Tim', which he received from 'Brian' in reply to the third,
Thanks for passing on this great way to rob people. I am sure there are a few people out there who will read this and would never have thought of it on their own. Now they know how to do it.

No more Douglas
But I will keep sane, Tim.  Wonko the Sane.

*All names have been changed. 

Thursday, 8 March 2012

International Women's Day: March 8, 2012

I didn't approve of the anodyne Google Doodle today.  It perfectly represented the idea that the only sure way to avoid causing offence is to say nothing at all.  Blow that for a joke, as dear Grandmama L says.
I am hardly a controversial poet. I write about boobies, cake and Radio 4.  I write about things that Ladies like, but that Women understand.  Here's my Google Doodle - or Mu Doodle: I know midnight has passed and it's a bit late for International Women's Day, but I'm a Woman: I work full time, raise children, perform poetry in my spare time and try to run a household. Creative things like Art, Writing, sewing costumes or making birthday cakes have to be done instead of sleeping. 

Sometimes I write about being a bit tired.  But I do hope you like my Doodle.

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

The Book of LENT, Ch. 5, v1-39

And Jesus went forth into the wilderness and lo, there did He stay for forty days and forty nights. 2And verily the Devil visited Him in His solitude on such a night as the Lord was feeling rather peckish. 3And the Devil spake unto Him, saying, Lord, have some cake. 4And the Lord said, No. 5And the Devil did yet urge Him most pressingly, saying, 6Go on, it’s a nice one from Lidl, 14 per cent butter; 7the Germanites, they are gifted with the knowledge of making really good cake. 8And the Lord did feel moved to concur, and thus did He agree, 9In truth, Satan, they do get some great stuff in around Christmastime. 10And the Devil said, What? 11And the Lord replied, Never mind.  12And seeing that the Lord could not be swayed from the righteous path with cake, though it be 14 per cent butter marble cake even from the hosts of Lidl, 13the Devil did try of another tack. 14And lo, brought he forth a vessel of glass, sealed to the uttermost with cork and wire. 15Behold this, said he unto the Lord, For it is nicely chilled. 16And the Lord saw that it was so, for even as the Devil uttered the words, verily a fog did form the vessel thereupon. 17And the Lord said, Nay, Foul Tempter, for have I forsaken all such things for Lent. 18Get thee behind me and try me not. 19And so saying, the Lord did turn his back upon Satan, 20whereupon the air was rent by a mighty pop, and did the watching seraphim grind of their teeth. 21The Lord did turn again, and Satan held out unto Him a glass of fizzy plonk, saying, 22Go on, knock Thyself out; 23drink Ye of this, for a nice Cava is most verily the Nectar of the Gods. 24And the Lord asked, O yes? Which ones? 25And the Devil did shrug of his shoulders and reply, 26O, I don’t know, figure of speech, anyway go on, I can’t finish a whole bottle and ’tis a sin to waste it. 27And the Lord did raise of His hand unto the Devil, and He did declare, 28Speak thou unto the Hand, O Evil One, for the Face listeneth not. 29And at this Satan did empty the contents of the glass into his foul maw, whereupon he did at once pour a second glass, saying, 30That one touchèd not the sides. 31 Then turned he unto the Lord and said, 32Thou knowest not what Thou art missing, for this is a fine drop though it be only £4.85 from Asda. 33And at this the Lord did utter a sharp intake of breath, saying, £4.85? I remember when it was £2.93. 34And the Devil did reply, Indeed O Lord, we know who art the real Source of All Evil. 35And the Lord did righteously agree, adding, 36Dost thou know they’re banging out Easter eggs three for a fiver? 37And the Devil said, That is indeed well disrespectful. 38Sooth, I might pay the hosts of Wal-Mart a visit, for their exploitative trading practices and woeful treatment of the humble farmers have earned them a place in the very foulest pits of Hell.
39And the Lord said, You do that.

© Muriel Lavender
Easter 2009
After giving up everything for Lent

Monday, 28 November 2011

If Chocolate Be The Food Of Love...

If over a thousand people spend a day in Chocolate Heaven, the resulting ripples of happiness must surely travel an incalculable distance.

Once again, Frome did what it does best: take a small and quirky idea, nurture and cuddle it, keep it warm and feed it, until it’s a fully-grown eccentric marvel, capable of growing itself, multiplying and strengthening the bonds of community that built it.   
A Fromeagotchi, you might say.  The annual Cobble Wobble is one such; Lipsmacking is another: building on a successful first year, the Cheese and Grain hosted the second Lipsmacking Chocolate Festival on 20 November. 

Here is a small example of what makes Frome so special.  I met Jo Harrington at the Artisan Market on Catherine Hill.  These are held on the first Sunday of every month from about April to October, and all of the town’s finest and shiniest can be found promenading up and down nodding to their acquaintance and exclaiming, “Isn’t this nice?”  It’s practically the Royal Crescent 200 years ago, except with knack-knacks rather than husbands.  On that particular Sunday I was dressed, coincidentally, as a Jane Austen character, to promote the Frome Festival World Record Attempt (in which almost 150 storybook characters gathered for – oh wait, just read the blog entry here).  We got chatting… business cards and chocolate exchanged hands… chocolate quickly scoffed by Little and Tiny Lavender… and before long Jo kindly invited me to judge the Limerick competition for the Lipsmacking Chocolate Festival.  Frome begets more Fromeyness.

Limericks are really hard.  I hadn’t written any since my teens, and suddenly I felt I had to turn out a handful and make it look easy.  I required the assistance of another Frome favourite, the Archangel – for a couple of hours sans Lavender sprigs so I could think.  Oddly, for the third time I found myself writing about Kate Moss.  Why does she keep coming up in my work?  Answers here please, because I really do not know.  On this occasion, the inspiration came from the time Kate outraged the listeners of Woman’s Hour, and a great many more besides, when she apparently declared that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” (or did I dream that? Now I’m not sure).  Anyway, if she did, she has clearly never been to a Lipsmacking Chocolate Festival.  I could have said, if she’s right, I’ll eat my hat – but that’s no feat, because my hat for the occasion was entirely made from chocolate by the exceptionally creative and talented Diana from Lick The Spoon.  What a pleasure to wear, and to look at! Almost too good, perhaps, as Diana’s craftsmanship is so extraordinary that few people realised it was actually chocolate.  I can’t wait to wear it again… any celebrity weddings coming up?
 

Back to the Limericks. I write a lot about the simple pleasures of life, the ones that are available to us normal everyday folk (women especially I suppose, after all, I am one), because I do believe that if we can all find happiness in the small things, we will be far happier than if we can only sigh after the big, unattainable things.  Chocolate is a small pleasure – but a pleasure indeed, whatever Miss Moss may or may not have said. And although you’ll be really glad to know that I have not tried to rhyme ‘Kate’ with ‘Chocolate’, I have written a little something about both of them:


Nothing about you is curvy
Your fangs are a little unnerving
Men like boobs, hips and thighs
Of an adequate size
The blokes who like you are just pervy

This is a ‘Lipsmacking’ high
For the nose and the tongue and the eyes
So jog on, Miss Moss
Our gain is your loss
I’ll keep to my curves and a chocolate pie –

(My technique for which is a dream):
Melt dark chocolate; mix with thick cream;
Let it fill every space
Of a rich pastry case
It’s indulgent in the extreme

I’m a sucker for chocolate éclairs
I’d do things other girls wouldn’t dare
I’d sit on your knee
For a praline or three
For a truffle I’d sit anywhere

I adore a ganache to excess
I’m simply hooked, I must confess
When deprived of my fondant
I grow quite despondent
I’d show you my ankles for less


© Muriel Lavender
November 2011

They were filthier when I wrote them.  I rinsed their mouths out with soap and water though, before performing them in public. Dotted through this blog is a selection of the entries, which I loved, including the Honourable Mentions.  

Before we move on to the winners, here’s a little about some of the gorgeous stalls which caught my eye:

Purky Products
© Purky Products
Specially for the occasion, Purky Products had created the most delicious items of jewellery: highly realistic truffles and caramels to adorn one’s already-scrumptious bosom. Or earlobes. Nom Nom! My favourite was this strawberry fondant with a little nibble out of it. Reminded me of me. Visit Purky’s blog for an honest and touching insight into the life of a talented young craftsman.  


Kernow Chocolate
The Lipsmacking Chocolate Festival served me up all manner of new ways to be naughty, and one of the most fascinating was sea salt chocolate from Kernow Chocolate.  It’s all the rage, I understand, and now I know why: it’s a delicacy truly for the connoisseur – that is, one whose taste buds will be satisfied with a dainty quantity of something special.  If one is, on the other hand, gripped by an urge to scoff down a Mars bar, one would be more satisfied at the Texaco garage, where one may also fulfil one’s need for a Ginster’s slice and a can of Fanta.  And probably a gentlemen’s art pamphlet.  
 
Crumpet Cupcakes
© Crumpet! Cakes
I honestly did not know whether to eat them or wear them on my head. I would gladly do both.  At the same time.  Hello, Mummy!  

 Great Cake Company
I confess I’m not accustomed to gourmet chocolate – after all, nothing floats my boat quite like a Tunnock’s Tea Cake – but the caramel truffles made by these talented people are, quite simply, gift-wrapped happiness.  A box of them for Christmas would absolutely be all I need. Provided the box was diamond-encrusted, obvs, Darling. 

Chocolates For The Soul
© Chocolates For The Soul
Caroline blessed the Lipsmacking Festival with the launch of her Chakra range of chocolates. I couldn’t say I’d recognise a truly spiritual moment if it marched in playing a trombone, BUT I did experience a noticeable feeling of wellbeing when I sampled Caroline’s ‘visionary violet’ chocolates (pictured). One little taste, and I suddenly felt that ‘…Aaah. Everything’s going to be all right, then.’  Can chocolate heal the world? It’s doubtful, but when it comes to these violet lovelies, I shall Keep Calm And Carry On.



If you have read this far – Congratulations!  Here for you are the winners of the Lipsmacking Limerick competiton, and the proud owners of a Lipsmacking goodie bag each:

"There once was a woman so girlie
Whose hair was lovely and curly
She said 'I want chocs
That look like my locks'
So she now only eats Curly-Wurly"
A blatant attempt to sway the Judge.  Successful, too: well done Matt Sims!

"There was a young fella from Frome
Who didn't think much of perfume
He preferred girls to use
A chocolatey ooze
That he baked every day in his room"
A darkly disturbing tale, the many layers of which reveal too much or too little. A masterful effort by Ed Coate!

"A chocoholic young woman from Frome
Said to her boyfriend, 'Don't give me perfume
Or bouquets or champagne
For chocs, milk, white or plain
Are sure to jump-start this girl's Va-Va-Voom!"
Va-Va-Voom? Don’t ask me, darling, I invented it. Brava to Janet Smith for a verse close to my heart!

I found myself winding up the day sitting on the stage steps, drinking coffee and musing with my new friend Jammer Jamski on how fortunate we are.  Life, we agreed, doesn’t hand out cookies, but that’s okay – because here in Frome, we make our own. Then we invite you in for a nibble, because we’re nice like that.