tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9476544854433517002024-02-19T08:29:38.838-08:00Everyone Listen To MurielAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-85373286504771994362015-12-31T02:48:00.001-08:002015-12-31T02:57:59.911-08:00THIS YEAR CAN GO FUCK ITSELF<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">No, I'm not going to go into Why; <span style="font-size: large;">but I'd really love it if New Year could, just once, stop being a lesson in Pain. Either pain of the unbearable, or the unbearable loss of that which made other pains more bearable. I'm a bit tired. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;">But, but, but... I am not flooded, or displaced, or coerced. And I have many blessings. We all do. For a start, I have the most amazing friends who overwhelm me at times with their love and kindness. I don't always tell them how much they mean to me. For example (this is an edit, you see): I just posted the link to this blog not three minutes ago, and one person has already looked at it and given it a like. I love that he cared enough to do that. Thank you, you big fat bastard. I love you.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;">There. Buck the fuck up, Mu.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Instead, here's one of <a href="http://muriel-lavender.blogspot.co.uk/2015_05_01_archive.html" target="_blank">my favourite blog posts</a> from earlier in the year. Read it - it's cheerful and sweary and there are cookies and scraped knees in it. Good things.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Here also is a list of good causes, which I support but whether you choose to is your business. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.papyrus-uk.org/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">PAPYRUS</span></a> <span style="font-size: small;">Prevention of young suicide</span> Donate <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/donation/direct?process=1&queryId=YwBoAGEAcgBpAHQAeQA9ADEAMgAyADUAMQA4AA" target="_blank">here</a></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.mind.org.uk/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">MIND</span></a> <span style="font-size: small;">Mental health charity</span> Donate <a href="https://www.mind.org.uk/get-involved/giving-to-mind/donate/" target="_blank">here</a></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.rice.org.uk/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">RICE</span></a> <span style="font-size: small;">Research Institute for Care of the Elderly</span> Donate <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/rice/donate" target="_blank">here</a></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">WIKIPEDIA</span></a> <span style="font-size: small;">helping the ill-informed since 2001</span> <a href="https://www.paypal.com/uk/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_flow&SESSION=mWRmAML3G94DUa3BcBOyRQHcwcnnxrj0LqGwx2WNxxKV78ACkeNOqKcBswK&dispatch=5885d80a13c0db1f8e263663d3faee8d64ad11bbf4d2a5a1a0d303a50933f9b2" target="_blank">DONATE £10 NOW</a></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Finally here is a random screen grab from my <a href="https://www.instagram.com/ivegotamuon/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> account, containing a reasonable snapshot of How Things Are, or Were, or Would Be If, or Never Will. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;">And a poem I wrote. Happy New Year.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;">What was the other thing? Oh, yes, I'm closing the year with a DJ slot at the GUILTY PLEASURES GRAND MASQUERADE BALL tonight at Frome's Silk Mill. It will be a spectacular mix of masks, fireworks, guest DJs, Bowieoke, street food, the filthiest mix of guilty music joy you can imagine. Find out more <a href="https://www.facebook.com/wildrobot2000" target="_blank">here </a>and come join in.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Love you.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mu. </span></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-58129298132610118682015-10-21T13:25:00.000-07:002015-10-21T13:25:11.547-07:00DON'T TAKE YOUR LIPS AWAY. I HAVEN'T FINISHEDBefore I begin, this:<br />
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"You kiss like I built you myself."<br />
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That's mine. I own it. I own it because someone gave it to me. Bear it in mind; if our lips should ever meet.<br />
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An Instagram friend shared this yesterday.<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> I say 'friend'; I like to think we are friends. Unlike most of my IG followers, we have actually met and enjoyed each other's company. That was some eighteen months ago, and I am very glad that we keep in touch quite regularly. It's modern, but it is the way of things these days. Anyway, he shared this. The words aren't his - he isn't sure whose, so if anyone recognises the author, do let me know. </span><br />
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Beautiful. Anyone would long for it. No comment to make, I just loved it and I thought you might, too. Only...<br />
Only... It needed a woman's perspective. We can make magic too, you know.<br />
I wrote this, and I sent it to him for his approval. Then I committed it to its destiny.<br />
Kissing is the most amazing thing in the world. Do it now. Do it a lot.<br />
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'I'm not in love with you. But by the end of this kiss, I could be.'<br />
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- Lip Goals.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-24803359973001058632015-10-08T15:05:00.002-07:002015-10-08T15:15:37.195-07:00WROTE IT FOR NATIONAL POETRY DAY. AND DIDN'T <span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It's still National Poetry Day. Just. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I'm in my kitchen, making a fuck-off massive pan of bolognese sauce which I'll freeze in little pots to feed my family when I remember to get the little pots back out of the freezer, which will be never. But I like crushing garlic and grinding peppercorns in a mortar and pestle. So there's that.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 34px;">So, yeah, Poetry. Amazing things happen when you expose people to it. Pretty much every poet you care to think of is better at it than I am, so I'm not going to go on at length about its benefits and how it crosses boundaries and baba baba baba baba baba. Personally speaking, and I know there is no other way I can speak, there's no better place to start than Dr Seuss; I've been reading Chinese poetry recently and it's a gift; I also love Scroobius Pip, Dizraeli, Eminem and Doc Brown. But I love Rizzle Kicks too. Iron Maiden's 'Hallowed Be Thy Name' is written in iambic pentameter. Never say you don't like Poetry. Byron isn't the only Boy on the Block.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 34px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 34px;">Here's the one I wrote this morning at four a.m. And <a href="https://hearthis.at/doctorhooka/doctor-hooka-hookz-swings-19/" target="_blank">here's what I'm listening to just now</a>. </span></span><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 34px;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 34px;">Happy Day. Go Rhyme Shit Up.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-38890269555211704452015-09-21T01:39:00.005-07:002015-09-21T01:49:12.056-07:00YES. I DID SAY THAT <span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I post pithy remarks on Instagram because I like to imagine that people find me witty and interesting. There's usually a link to my blog despite there never being anything relevant on it whatsoever. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 34px;">To remedy that, here are some things I've said. Filth, mostly. But I'm looking forward to seeing seeing them attributed to Marilyn Monroe, Abraham Lincoln, and Buddha, any time soon. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 34px;">Yes, that was an Oxford comma. I fucking love an Oxford comma, sometimes. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 34px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 34px;">*I'm pretty sure the Muon one was me. I certainly say it when I'm cross. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-42560023582897317862015-09-17T16:39:00.000-07:002015-09-17T16:39:19.327-07:00They Laughed At Semmelweiss Too, You KnowI made this, because it was funny. But to prove I actually thought about it, here is an explanation.<br />
Admittedly, I didn't think about it very hard. But I did try, a little. Then I posted it on Instagram and only about three people liked it. No-one on Twitter or Facebook gave a flying fuck - except Trevor. Trevor understands me. So, this explanation is for his benefit and mine. Bollocks to the lot of you.<br />
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Clearly, this element was just begging for discovery. Fortunately, Professor Mu works long into the night, burning the candle at both ends, but always grasping it firmly in the middle; and thus I bring you Bellendium. The 120th element in the great Mendeleev's periodic table (you may recall my other discoveries*, elements 114-119 - each of which turned out to be essential to the effective practice of Periodic Swears), its properties are as yet not fully understood; however in its inert state it has so far been found to be pretty fucking useless.<br />
*Working with my esteemed colleague, Professor W. Wankblot<br />
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Anyway. I thought you might be interested to know how I discovered its stable isotopes - that's those numbers down the right-hand side, for anyone whose knowledge of the periodic table is - well, about the same as mine, really.<br />
Without spelling it out and ruining the poetry of the moment (and you'd be amazed at where I get my thrills, you would, truly) - I'll just leave this here.<br />
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PS: I just took the Sprigs to see As You Like It at the Globe. Wonderful as always, and with the added pleasure of seeing some of our Globe favourites like Arngeir, Michelle Terry and of course, James Garnon as Jacques. He singled out my very own "whining schoolboy" with "shining morning face", and I swelled with pride.<br />
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Wait - maybe that's one of the properties of -<br />
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- Never mind.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-35318158601378769672015-08-29T03:45:00.002-07:002015-08-29T03:47:19.143-07:00TEARS FOR EVERYONE'S GRANDMOTHER <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is a terrible picture of an excellent cup of coffee. I bought it at The River House in Frome. (They also serve the most delicious food, and they do milkshakes. I can't stand places that don't do milkshakes. When you have children, sometimes milkshake is as essential as the wet wipes which will inevitably follow. But this post is not about children, or coffee, or milkshake, or isn't-Frome-lovely.)<br />
As I waited for my coffee, an old lady came in. She had a walking stick tucked under her arm and she was trying to manage her purse without dropping it, or the stick. She was doing well; she'd done it before. She tapped her way to the counter with tiny little steps and placed her order. She was all cheerful and her eyes were bright, though her old frame was delicate. When she turned to sit down, I pulled out her chair for her, and warned her that it was a bit wobbly because of the uneven floor. She squeezed my arm and thanked me as she sat down. Then my coffee was ready and I took it and said goodbye. She thanked me again; so did her son, who had joined her.<br />
It would be stupid to try to use great strings of heavy words to describe the looks on their faces. They each expressed a different kind of gratitude. Let me leave it at that.<br />
I left with tears pouring down my face. Tears for my Grandmother.<br />
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I've written this on my phone, in the cattle market yard, crying. Sorry for the mistakes which I can't see.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-69879785211425479102015-08-04T19:24:00.002-07:002015-08-04T19:24:45.565-07:00SCREAMING AT THE UNIVERSE I made this the other night when someone said 'Bastard' before the watershed.<br />
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Go on, fuck off. I've barely seen Eastenders since the days of Den and Angie, but I'm pretty sure Ange was fairly liberal with her language. It's hard to believe we were less uptight thirty years ago... actually no, it's obvious; but that's another story. In the meantime, fuck off with your faux outrage. Sunday Fucking Express! Isn't it owned by a porn magnate? It bloody is. I've forgotten his name, the massive c*nty hypocrite, and I can't be arsed to look it up. </div>
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Anyway, here's the sky, because it's brilliant. Someone introduced me to Google Sky Maps, and I love him for it. Get it on your phone and point it at the sky. Then point it at your kitchen floor and get a funny feeling in your tummy.</div>
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I'm doing this on my phone, so I can't rotate the picture or anything. And it's like three in the morning, for fuck's sake. I'm just trying to feel better about the Universe, because somewhere, between here and the second picture, is a place where society has moved on from the absurdities pointed out in the first picture. </div>
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I'm hopeful.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-2168204897881023512015-05-02T18:34:00.001-07:002015-05-02T18:46:23.662-07:00A legitimate comment on rape fantasy. Also, baking<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">The Mirror (a poor quality UK tabloid) (as if there were a good quality UK tabloid) ran a story about the boyfriend of Natalie Bennett (leader of the Green Party) and his 'X-rated rants'. Turns out that what they mean is, he used to write a blog in which he addressed some controversial subjects without shying away from more unsavoury sides of whatever argument he chose. MAN HAS OPINION - NEWS!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Oh dear. What a good thing I am neither standing as a parliamentary candidate, nor married to anyone who is. I'll show them a X-rated rant. He dealt with - 'He'. I can't even remember his name. What was it? Help me out here, hive mind - Jepps, I think that was it, Jepps - he dealt with subjects like rape fantasy and paedophilia, in a thought-provoking way. Controversial, yes, and I cannot say that I agree with everything he said. But I take particular exception to the way the Mirror handled what they considered the most outrageous of his comments (I'm that stupid. I object so strongly to something the Mirror said that I feel compelled to blog about it. Thank fuck I never pick up the Sun. Not that I picked up the Mirror. Facebook delivered it into my lap. Fuck off, Facebook. I've had enough of you. More of that later.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">To return to my point: he said <a href="http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/general-election-2015-green-party-5546699" target="_blank">this</a>, according to the Mirror.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">If I could be arsed I'd dig out my copy of Nancy Friday in which <span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: magenta;">she said the same thing but forty years ago</span></span>. Was it okay for her because she's a woman? An academic? Or because she said it discreetly between the covers of a book and she isn't married to a parliamentary candidate? Or because she said it at least a generation ago when - somehow - it was less controversial than it is today, which I cannot believe? Just to be clear, Nancy Friday's research included the fact (which some may find uncomfortable, but please let's not forget she was talking to real people - real women - whilst conducting her research) that some women fantasise about rape scenarios. The important point to remember here is FANTASISE. People fantasise about all kinds of hyper-real situations and activities. That does not in any way suggest that they wish to make it reality. At all. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">This is a non-story. Like all the other smear-type stories in the run-up to the general election. Grow up, media, and focus on fucking policies. Though of course I recognise it isn't just the media who are responsible for this sort of shite. Look what a hatchet job the Tories managed to do on themselves with <span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://sturdyblog.wordpress.com/2015/04/27/small-business-letter-to-the-telegraph-an-attempt-to-defraud-the-electorate/" target="_blank">this bit of spinny-platery</a></span></span>. Twats.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Of course people are interested in lurid details. This is because, when you get right down to it, everyone is twelve. We all are. The honest among us think nob jokes, Your Mum and pull-my-finger are the funniest things in the world. Unsophisticated, yes; but Puerile just never stops being funny. The less honest pretend to be too mature to laugh whenever anyone says 'bellend' or 'titwank', but they're pretty much all still pruriently obsessed with the private lives of others. Maybe the reason for this obsession is a refusal to accept what Nancy Friday pointed out in the first place. Not even in the first place - Kinsey was there first, I think, in the fifties. See? Sex was not invented in 1963. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">The honest among us are more likely to read a blog like that and say, Okay, let's talk about it. Or if some parliamentary candidate or other enjoys being spanked on the weekend, we truly don't give a fuck because it's their business. I hate - and I mean I really HATE - to agree with Max Mosley on this, but I do. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">As for the spanky candidate, I object to his public conduct far more than his private conduct. He's a UKIP candidate. Now, there's offensive.</span> </span><i><span style="color: #351c75;">Ha - spanked on the weekend? I'd much rather be spanked on the -</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Never mind.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">What did I allude to before? Yes - Facebook. I've given it up. To be precise: I haven't deactivated my account; I still have Messenger, I may occasionally update my fanpages, and Instatwit still auto-feeds to my timeline. But for a while I need to remember what it was like when I didn't have humanity at its most repulsive, plopped straight into my lap. Actually, that's not even fair. My Facebook friends are lovely. I received very little in the way of unpleasant stories and blind ignorance - not to say it wasn't there but it could have been far worse. My greatest irritation was - is - the propensity to share <a href="http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-04-14/wool-industry-peta-shearing-animal-welfare/6390924" target="_blank">improbable 'news' stories without checking facts first</a>. Does anyone seriously think that's what a sheep looks like after it's been shorn? Fuck's sake, people. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">No, I just - I just need a break. That's all. Stick around, though, hey? All, I don't know, three of you who are reading this? I'll say this: <span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: magenta;">nothing like giving up Facebook to remind you that nobody is listening</span></span>.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Anyway, here's another thing. My son and I were reading Harry Potter together the other night when he suddenly turned his face to me and said, Mum - what's a c**t?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">I felt an unexpected mix of shock and glee. I put my hand over my mouth and snorted as if I were - well, as if I were twelve. See? Told you.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- Did you just say what's a c**t? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- Yes. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- Where did you hear that word? <i><span style="font-size: small;">Don't let it be from me, don't let it be from me, don't let it be from me... </span></i> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- The bike track. <span style="font-size: small;"><i>Phew.</i></span> And it's in <a href="http://www.jacketflap.com/bookdetail.asp?bookid=0716940019" target="_blank">that book</a> you gave me. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- I don't think it is. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- No, it is. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- No, it isn't. It can't be. I know it's got 'slut' in it, but it can't possibly have c**t in it. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- So tell me what it means?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">So I explained about Anglo Saxon words, and Norman invaders, and taboo words, and the difference between internal and external genitalia, and the mystery of the female body, and the fear of it, and witchcraft, and the subjugation of women, and feminism, and shock value, and slang, and social context. We talked about words for the male organ being used as pejoratives too. He looked half terrified, half delighted.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">I explained all this. Then I added,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- And if I ever hear you say it, I'll knock your fucking block off.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- Mum! Stop swearing!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- I love you, Son.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">- Love you more, no returns.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">No words. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">And finally, here's one more thing. This happened.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxKQAFV60IXkzSZ3xaq59VA9v2g_fCwNWxb6mSOUma9MxoAqRoHvKwackKPoolz_HrnEa4h8jFjr3dEhkIS12ox-WIP-GuruK6BVDWzCz58eFyxt-AOreOi3zfcsAK5lG9YMPIJkTrm1Q/s1600/2015-05-02-19-09-24-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxKQAFV60IXkzSZ3xaq59VA9v2g_fCwNWxb6mSOUma9MxoAqRoHvKwackKPoolz_HrnEa4h8jFjr3dEhkIS12ox-WIP-GuruK6BVDWzCz58eFyxt-AOreOi3zfcsAK5lG9YMPIJkTrm1Q/s1600/2015-05-02-19-09-24-1.png" height="295" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Then this happened, and he was satisfied.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5hm68KJVr7d8nCWEPd6gDbbMuSm9xjT6sMC3ppOpJk_LVyLDpf0HggoIIDefLWu12nK76GwLDNdiriakF0rWBQId3Qp9Qi2eJa5z9c7XhPvf1YczJs83pnWHpUoR7tTwet6Ity7DN1fA/s1600/2015-05-02-19-13-46-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5hm68KJVr7d8nCWEPd6gDbbMuSm9xjT6sMC3ppOpJk_LVyLDpf0HggoIIDefLWu12nK76GwLDNdiriakF0rWBQId3Qp9Qi2eJa5z9c7XhPvf1YczJs83pnWHpUoR7tTwet6Ity7DN1fA/s1600/2015-05-02-19-13-46-1.png" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">So I made these, because he was brave.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig_pp75Kn57-513lai8S_PWGcPwnTblqgGWX0yGBWR9L-dluJ-R_mwZSiEIoqeFFMrul4WHLJBb8-vGxvnJ8ScEkS-NwbqYcBd5AVwCHv0BuYzDV2eJduoXfTu01mwoQJimEkbZC43AwY/s1600/2015-05-02-19-10-01-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig_pp75Kn57-513lai8S_PWGcPwnTblqgGWX0yGBWR9L-dluJ-R_mwZSiEIoqeFFMrul4WHLJBb8-vGxvnJ8ScEkS-NwbqYcBd5AVwCHv0BuYzDV2eJduoXfTu01mwoQJimEkbZC43AwY/s1600/2015-05-02-19-10-01-1.png" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">BUT I also made something else, which I didn't take a picture of because they all got ate up in like three minutes. But here's the recipe, because one day when I publish a collection of my incredible creations this will be among them.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">BACON MOTHERFUCKING COOKIES</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">1. Make cookie dough. The big soft melty kind. I've told you how to do that before, and I'm not giving it all away that easily</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">2. Fry six rashers of smoked bacon, cut up small, with two teaspoons of cinnamon, one dessertspoon of cocoa and a tablespoon of sugar</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">3. Add the bacony bits to the cookie dough with half a bag of dark chocolate chips. I don't know how much that is. Half a small bag. It's up to you, it's cookies, not thermite*.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">4, Bake those motherfuckers until they're golden. Golden, I tell you. Then use them as bait to catch attractive bearded tattooed hipsters. Works like a fucking charm.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">I'm guessing.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span>
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">*Now, <a href="https://instagram.com/p/0I3STRm0kM/?taken-by=miles.of.the.avalanche" target="_blank">THIS</a> is thermite. Booom!</span></span></i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-51679293583922195762015-04-07T15:19:00.003-07:002015-04-07T15:51:59.297-07:00I'M NOT LITTLE. BUT I AM FIERCE<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Right. Um, Easter Rant. Her Royal
Popelyness speaks to the Nation. Largely the Nation ignores me, so I will just
carry on and say whatever I like. There</span></span></span></span><sup><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">1</span></sup><span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today is Easter Saturday (or it was when I began writing), as that Great British Authority, the 'Radio Times' calls it, or, to the rest of us, Saturday.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">I'm going to try not to get all ranty about things I've seen lately on social media. Anyone would think I didn't have a life, if I were to carry on about sexist babygros or the colour of dresses. Both of those, incidentally, I will choose to file under ''Things About Which I Literally Can't Even''.</span></span></span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqhW39eXokulM1Fh82T6ga0jSWaAFebmm47sSEUvvpmtVVY1cJtcEMKg6XQrk6E43vFUvVRsE0B-eShS4PBkw-saAfEUN7TIrkUI8tiwAiHg1C5qU3vnGjT_Pt8jCLkjyEv6_kzawSrbU/s1600/2015-04-07-22-52-47-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqhW39eXokulM1Fh82T6ga0jSWaAFebmm47sSEUvvpmtVVY1cJtcEMKg6XQrk6E43vFUvVRsE0B-eShS4PBkw-saAfEUN7TIrkUI8tiwAiHg1C5qU3vnGjT_Pt8jCLkjyEv6_kzawSrbU/s1600/2015-04-07-22-52-47-1.png" height="320" width="247" /></a></span></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Really. I just can't. </span></span></i></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Maybe I ought to rant about Religion. It's just the time of year, of course. The trouble with that is that there are plenty of other pithy bloggers out there, any of whom will destroy Christianity for the <span style="color: magenta;">mythology-stealing cult-that-got-lucky</span> that it is. You know, according to some. It's easy enough to take it apart piece by piece: nothing that illogical can survive the application of - well, of Logic.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">The problem is that People have to Believe In Something. This is true for most, though not for all of us. I don't believe in anything. Why should I? If something is real, I don't need to believe in it, because it will exist whether I believe in it or not. And if something is not real, why, what sort of blinking idiot believes in things that aren't real?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">I don't believe in anything. But some people need to. So I propose this. If one cannot take away a belief system in case it leaves a hollow, empty void into which anything may be poured (and think how unsuitable that could be, I mean they might discover they like Art, or Music, or Theatre, or Sex, or other horribly imaginative and/or unsuitable activities) - replace it with another belief system. Replace it with Shakespeare.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Okay. I was wrong. I do believe in something. I believe that William Shakespeare wrote the plays of William Shakespeare. This is a good thing to believe - ticking, as it does, all the necessary boxes for Belief, being as there is sufficient doubt surrounding the idea for some quite scholarly people to refute it. Narcolepsy. <span style="font-size: small;"><i>I do not know why I wrote that. I fell asleep and when I woke up, I saw I'd written 'Nar' and I'd forgotten why. I fell asleep, mid-word. That's well funny, that is.</i></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Also, many people don't like Shakespeare, and think he's boring, probably without ever having read or seen any, but having been forced to do it at school. So you see, my idea has that in common with Religion, too.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">The crucial difference is this. No-one ever killed anyone in the name of Shakespeare. Okay, I'm sure someone has done so, somewhere, some time, in a fit of theatrical passion. But no nation ever went to war over Hamlet. No despot ever tortured a minority group because William said it was meet and right so to do. <span style="color: magenta;">No-one ever claimed that Titus Andronicus was carrying out God's work</span>.</span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyb1TABfYN_LCBuuapDaIR2gLPli1qHNK8lSEupk3jHVYcuPBg4QNfM5xa8hZrrr_A-rZTIt4n4Dl91V-F2pgzRp3wq4mw3WU5Js-3LFmF8pg8eImBSEj1IJljaxUOu63w49sInUy7nB8/s1600/2015-04-07-22-53-31-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyb1TABfYN_LCBuuapDaIR2gLPli1qHNK8lSEupk3jHVYcuPBg4QNfM5xa8hZrrr_A-rZTIt4n4Dl91V-F2pgzRp3wq4mw3WU5Js-3LFmF8pg8eImBSEj1IJljaxUOu63w49sInUy7nB8/s1600/2015-04-07-22-53-31-1.png" height="320" width="239" /></a></span></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;">From an article originally in the Times</span></span></span></i></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">All of humanity is in Shakespeare: Good, Evil, Love, Hate, Passion, Murder, Virtue, Sin, Beauty, Horror, Wisdom, Folly. And language - oh, Language. Wild and whirling words. Like the Bible, Shakespeare may be interpreted in myriad ways. Unlike the Bible, that's absolutely fine. How refreshing.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">So if you must ask for guidance in time of need; if you seek succour in your melancholy; relief from your pain; balm for a wounded heart; strength when in doubt; by all means, turn to The Good Book. Just make sure it's the Complete Works of Shakespeare.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">And what of Worship? Worship. What a
singularly odd thing to do. I can remember going to church as a very small
child, and hearing the liturgy - blah blah blah, "we are not worthy so
much as to pick up the crumbs beneath your table..." - and thinking, with
eight-year-old child-logic, "well, <i>I</i> am." </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><i></i><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">No need to worship The Bard. Though, you could, if you liked; if by '<i>worship</i>' you meant '<i>go to the theatre</i>'. Or '<i>go to the theatre and see something besides the Phantom of the fucking Opera</i></span></span></span></span></span><i></i><span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><sup><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">3</span></sup></i></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><i>, for fuck's sake</i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></span></span><span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><sup><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">4</span></sup></i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><i>'</i>.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">The Globe would become my Church, and I would go every Sunday. Religiously.</span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">1</span></sup></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">I
take that back. Someone did ask for a 'hot cross bun' on Friday - but I
had to disappoint him</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">2</span></sup></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">.
Sunday is my Ass-Selfie day.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">2</span></sup></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Who
am I kidding? Of course I didn't. It's on Instagram.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">3</span></sup></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">I
had to Google top London musicals because I didn't know any.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">4</span></sup></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Look
at that. I almost made it to the end without letting one slip. Or two.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
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<![endif]-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-7502758550644413432015-03-19T09:22:00.000-07:002015-03-19T09:23:36.707-07:00A HEALTH AND SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">TOMORROW THERE WILL BE A SOLAR ECLIPSE, but whatever you do, DON'T go outside and watch it, just in case you burn your eyes. In fact, don't go outside at all, because on any other day of the year, the sun will still be in the sky, and will, in fact, be brighter and more visible than when it is 85% obscured by our planet's closest natural satellite*.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Just don't be unsafe. You can't be trusted to do a damn thing by yourself. Kindly download this form at once and complete it before you attempt anything, ever. Fill it in and submit it to me. Because I'm Pope, and I'll decide who gets to enjoy themselves, and in what ways, thank you very much.</span></span></span><br />
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<iframe height="480" src="https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-mQS4T12k1heEpoamtnczBGSVk/preview" width="640"></iframe>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: normal;">*Ok, I'm probably wrong on this. So I missed that edition of QI. Bah. Up yours.</span></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-75919077474917302742015-03-15T10:02:00.001-07:002015-03-15T11:52:58.259-07:00SENDING HOME<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">So many emotions... but - gird yourself, Mu...</span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxgAWiNW4A3azqjvpWnci-oosiBCWQKgrpMEJ8BfxTBB4lfinGDj4ZEmR9Qf_vV639Bag46uKJWSO1_0TQpXqhd_zSmOlXvuWJcR6tmbDx0uj4Tor3thNGPhEgC7Z_MVd4Ldknqz1vJBI/s1600/IMG-20150130-WA0006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxgAWiNW4A3azqjvpWnci-oosiBCWQKgrpMEJ8BfxTBB4lfinGDj4ZEmR9Qf_vV639Bag46uKJWSO1_0TQpXqhd_zSmOlXvuWJcR6tmbDx0uj4Tor3thNGPhEgC7Z_MVd4Ldknqz1vJBI/s1600/IMG-20150130-WA0006.jpg" height="215" width="400" /></a><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">My grandmother has recently died. She was 98, and her brain outlived the body from which it sparkled. She was an amazing woman. Today, being Mother's Day, and so close to the passing of another Great Mind, finds me experiencing a heavy mix of joy and grief. I'm not here to write about my family, though...<br />I chatted with my Mamma about it (who has, of course, inherited the title of Head Grandma and the Tiara that goes with it) and she said she would like to suggest a DW book for her book group. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">So, suggestions welcome. Reaper Man was my route in, but I don't know if it's the right one for a different generation: I was about seventeen, with a mind, to quote my other favourite, 'as ignorant and uninformed as the female mind at seventeen usually is'. I have said to Mamma that there are many who misunderstand Pratchett, much as many misunderstand Jane Austen: they think Austen wrote romances and Terry wrote fantasy novels. They didn't - or, that is, there was so much more to them than that. They wrote brilliant humour, biting satire and beautifully-observed parodies of their respective societies; they just clothed them in the garb of popular genres.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sir Terry Pratchett was not a ranter - or, I should say, he was not a ranter in public; I was not privileged to know him in more private moments. Politically he was as sound as they come - decent, liberal, honest, and unforgiving of the stupid and selfish. At least, that is what I draw from his books and from the few occasions upon which I was fortunate to meet him. He was the nation's most successful author after JK Rowling* (Gods, I still can't believe I have to say 'was') and still he did not enjoy the recognition he deserved. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">One of the DW Hive Mind has just given me this quote from Terry himself - and it's the reason I have gone ahead and written this post, because he says succinctly what I have managed only by rambling:<br /><span style="color: magenta;">"Recent Discworld books have spun on such concerns as the nature of belief, politics and even of journalistic freedom, but put in one lousy dragon and they call you a fantasy writer."</span><br />Thanks again for reading. I've added a few pictures below, which I have probably blogged before; but they are moments which happened because of the unique world in which I feel privileged to be a part.<br /><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><i><span style="font-size: small;">*Sorry, Potter fans - they're great stories, but I have never read and re-read a line of Potter solely for the sheer pleasure of its construction. STP is one of only two contemporary authors for whom I have. <br />The other is not Stephen King.</span></i></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"> </span> </i></span></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-50718630414149324682015-02-18T18:47:00.001-08:002015-02-18T19:02:15.368-08:00SAW IT. THOUGHT OF YOU: A Cornucopia of Delightfully Entertaining Complete Bollocks<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Hello, You! Yes, You! Long time no blog: I've missed you, you know. No, that's the wrong way round, isn't it? It is you who should have been missing me, being as this is my blog and all. But then, you haven't clamoured for your occasional dose of Mu-Nonsense, so I conclude that my first statement was correct. It is I who have missed you. Commence talking bollocks...</span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>because you know I love Science and shit</i></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">A few things have happened that have made me want to bite on spoons again, but there's no need to dwell on those. If I were to write a blog on Why Fifty Shades In Any Of Its Forms Is A Pile Of Fucking Old Wank*, well, I may as well write a blog on Why Hurting Kittens Is Mean. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">I had a birthday; birthdays are not my favourite, but some of you did
give me very lovely presents. Thanks ever so much! You are far more generous than I deserve.</span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>because you know I love Octopuses and crazy undies</i></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">But no. Instead of spoon-chewing, or birthday gifts, I'm going to share a collection of pictures and clips that you've been sharing with me, in those saw-it-thought-of-you moments. You do know me: lately it's been Chemistry; Bosoms; Grammar; Fancy Shoes; Swearing; Filth; and Octopuses. Sometimes you tell me that I've been in one of your dreams! I LOVE that! And they've all been really cool dreams too, making me quite envious that I wasn't actually there... there was the holding-hands-on-the-bus one; and the carrying-my-luggage-in-LA one; and the drinking-tea-with-Russell-Brand one (no-one's hinted at anything too filthy. That's probably a good thing. But, you know, if it ever happens, keep it to yourself, there's a love. And besides, I'd feel sorry for you). </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieX1AtW4L2jKfypz0x1HZqBHBnfZCd-way3BbplMMlr5iZhy5F3XkmRiRjdcZepqZq1B_pRM8xOJ63ku66vIyLoCg9uXwIgTx5FtteVHCnDPablX4C8Rh1O21Q62fhcnzmXfaiu3P2PE0/s1600/SITOY3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieX1AtW4L2jKfypz0x1HZqBHBnfZCd-way3BbplMMlr5iZhy5F3XkmRiRjdcZepqZq1B_pRM8xOJ63ku66vIyLoCg9uXwIgTx5FtteVHCnDPablX4C8Rh1O21Q62fhcnzmXfaiu3P2PE0/s1600/SITOY3.jpg" height="186" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>because you know I love a bit of Filth</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Whenever anyone sends me something like this, though - some little inconsequential item which brought me into their minds - I'm always immensely happy. Perhaps that makes me needy; rather, I hope it means I look for pleasure in small things. If that's true, it means you've seen it too. Thank you. Here they are, dotted about - just a few recent ones. </span></span><br />
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<br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">There's also this song,which I love, and <a href="http://thebloggess.com/2015/02/this-might-be-a-weirdly-inappropriate-valentine-or-i-might-be-reading-too-much-into-this/" target="_blank">this blog post</a>, which is just delicious. I want to be her.</span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirNeeZm8V_XnxUI0nIP1hEMgG8Vat5ybuEbhyphenhyphen39u9IwuCDjvTVwq7lQk2e4YLRk3rx_Y9f2snhsboWXlhc-mZ9WHx0BlAjeyXGcVb5wZXNINvhsYNPh-BhAPGOUsbOQUfMx8eZa9AU5Qw/s1600/SITOY4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirNeeZm8V_XnxUI0nIP1hEMgG8Vat5ybuEbhyphenhyphen39u9IwuCDjvTVwq7lQk2e4YLRk3rx_Y9f2snhsboWXlhc-mZ9WHx0BlAjeyXGcVb5wZXNINvhsYNPh-BhAPGOUsbOQUfMx8eZa9AU5Qw/s1600/SITOY4.jpg" height="400" width="381" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>www.thebloggess.com</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Okay - one spoon-biting moment. For undisclosed reasons, I've been obliged to make my Instagram account private. A private IG profile! Oxymoron much? There hasn't been a greater vehicle for displaying images of narcissistic optimism since the Great Pyramids of Giza. I'm rather fond of my IG account, and I post in there quite frequently. There are many others which would register far higher on the -ometers of Art, Poetry, Beauty, baked goods and Ass-Selfies; still, if you don't already follow me, I'd love it if you would. Otherwise, you won't be able to see my pretty stuff. And that would be a shame. </span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpUnkXAl2OQvw1RzemfKxrSzH439IXU3tLt3cfGO-AGodPIXxCTud5_7Pp16XNFSLnzLqUdW0aivOTLP8wH0sLcNUkej3Oc8S1vZUK6-EG6v3vo7mCKG3AR1oWDT16UlNY4YtxBOSaLrg/s1600/SITOY5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpUnkXAl2OQvw1RzemfKxrSzH439IXU3tLt3cfGO-AGodPIXxCTud5_7Pp16XNFSLnzLqUdW0aivOTLP8wH0sLcNUkej3Oc8S1vZUK6-EG6v3vo7mCKG3AR1oWDT16UlNY4YtxBOSaLrg/s1600/SITOY5.jpg" height="640" width="634" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Instagram. It makes your eyes go funny</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>*That's not to say that much has not been written on this subject that isn't well-presented and valid. <a href="http://www.bonbonbreak.com/letter-children-fifty-shades-grey/" target="_blank">Here's my favourite</a>. Plus there's this, which about sums it up:</i></span></span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-41464914292769340922015-01-05T11:45:00.000-08:002015-01-05T11:45:42.071-08:00AND ANOTHER THING (Pope Mu's Sweary Sermon)<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;">Yes, I got a great deal out of my system yesterday. One or two things more, and I have done.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;">I was sobered by an <a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/2014/12/29/neil-degrasse-tyson-reading-list/" target="_blank">article</a> which a friend shared with me: in it was listed a collection of eight books, the reading of which would furnish the mind with all necessary knowledge of humanity. It was a good list. I was ashamed to see that I had merely 'dipped into' most of them.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"> There was no Shakespeare in the list, nor was there any writing by a woman; however I forgive the latter, as the pen has far longer been in the hands of the other sex. That may not be fair, or just, but it is unavoidably true.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;">I grant that Neil deGrasse Tyson's list is an excellent one, but I believe - I <i>believe</i> - oh, what was I going to say? I've been to Lego Club and cooked dinner since beginning this sentence - that all of humanity may be found within the works of Shakespeare, and is therefore a worthy and necessary addition. I mention this because clearly yesterday I got a little ranty, which means it must be time for a Pope Mu sermon.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;">Belief! Yes, that was it. Here's what I wanted to share about Belief.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUootLl4b08IsMZRbbma-O-h-GlnrnWKnr69f94FYa8Fpo9zpanfv_X_2mg4NSxR7Hu6Wiz7Q5qZI3UisQCbcNTLZ05Au9ZFz9Aegh1KKO1-bkp9-D51fOZN49nWbClS8BPm9rYb-TqkM/s1600/IMG_264342919379858.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUootLl4b08IsMZRbbma-O-h-GlnrnWKnr69f94FYa8Fpo9zpanfv_X_2mg4NSxR7Hu6Wiz7Q5qZI3UisQCbcNTLZ05Au9ZFz9Aegh1KKO1-bkp9-D51fOZN49nWbClS8BPm9rYb-TqkM/s1600/IMG_264342919379858.jpeg" height="640" width="512" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;">So that's it, really. Oh - except for one other thing. There's one word I have been known to use liberally in conversation, but which I choose not to include in my social media content or in my stage work. Therefore I'm just going to leave this here, for you to comment upon as you see fit. This is where I park my car at work. This guy parks like this regularly, so his precious car can, I don't know, spread out, undo its pants, sleep diagonally, whatever. Read my previous blog entry, and apply liberally. Thank you.</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihmVzW-GYcPtoqYZ4Fd2lwoagKBMwC4kUqezDrQQw76ExUnDK0cqygfUA9LmZfvWbZ-FUUbtOzzY7tIq23X_YylrMBMhQyNgmvwosOoaCy3kJKYd4yzOdQIxIAJ-DhImZ5x_zXGhoEPp8/s1600/2015-01-05+17.27.26-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihmVzW-GYcPtoqYZ4Fd2lwoagKBMwC4kUqezDrQQw76ExUnDK0cqygfUA9LmZfvWbZ-FUUbtOzzY7tIq23X_YylrMBMhQyNgmvwosOoaCy3kJKYd4yzOdQIxIAJ-DhImZ5x_zXGhoEPp8/s1600/2015-01-05+17.27.26-1.jpg" height="414" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I have two more parking spaces. In Provence</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-34184597555466965332015-01-04T16:52:00.001-08:002015-01-05T07:59:04.624-08:00SWEARING: Fun For All The Family<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">WARNING: <span style="color: magenta;">VERY, VERY SWEARY </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">and not very grown-up</span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Emergency Exit: <a href="http://www.teaandkittens.co.uk/" target="_blank">HERE</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">I've probably covered this before.
Fuck it.</span></span><br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">If you hadn't guessed, I really
like swearing. I love to swear. Unlike many, many people who do it a lot, I'm
very good at it. Just the other evening, in fact, a young man complimented me
on my ability to deliver the word 'C**t'</span><sup>1</sup> <span style="font-size: large;">with the necessary verve
to do it well</span><sup>2</sup>. <span style="font-size: large;">I thank you, young man. And, speaking of small boys,
my pre-teen son pointed out to me yesterday that I had taught him all the
swearwords he knows</span><sup>3</sup>. <span style="font-size: large;">This is true. He also pointed out that I had
done so at bedtime, usually after we’d finished reading the daily portion of
Narnia.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ2JDLpaqgZcu4ZDMm_w29UNbrfJZsFTtuvdA0GzwQnoDQ4FfMyY6ldR7cGfWYJ1qmIZ9WLRKVm6zXeMDeViLGXd3_1FTrBs0EFxKVvVxFPIOLhykLllwYTmGm8tfjfOXvClppYMf0Pog/s1600/cake+swears.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ2JDLpaqgZcu4ZDMm_w29UNbrfJZsFTtuvdA0GzwQnoDQ4FfMyY6ldR7cGfWYJ1qmIZ9WLRKVm6zXeMDeViLGXd3_1FTrBs0EFxKVvVxFPIOLhykLllwYTmGm8tfjfOXvClppYMf0Pog/s1600/cake+swears.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><i>Fun and Educational</i></span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Well? What better way to learn
them? We sit together giggling like fools and rolling lovely short vowels
around in our mouths. <span style="color: magenta;">Short vowels; chopped consonants</span>. There is poetry in
swearing, and therein lies its pleasure. Ok, he has heard me say them in anger,
and I regret that; he chastises me for it. But he fully understands the
difference between a well-placed profanity for humorous effect, and a diatribe
of obscenities spouting from pure ignorance. Fuck me, the lad’s a sharp one</span><sup>4</sup>.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Here comes the point: there is
poetry in swearing, and that is why it is pleasing to the ear. Here are some
examples of my reasoning (I should point out at this stage, I feel, that I have
conducted no research into my theories; I have consulted no Learned Linguists, nor
have I pored over peer-reviewed papers; I haven’t even typed ‘nob’ into Wiki or
Google. ’Sjust wot I fink. So there. I’m the fucking Pope):</span></span><br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">SOMETIMES ONLY A SHORT VOWEL WILL
DO. We know that Fuck, Piss, and Shit have their origins in Anglo-Saxon times.
I don’t know if Anglo-Saxons shouted those words when they hit their thumbs
with hammers, but the native tongue seems to require a short, punchy sound when
such a thing happens. So knock yourself out. Latin and French aren’t going to
do the job. And besides, <span style="color: magenta;">‘C**t’ was good enough for Chaucer.</span></span></span><br />
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaXJMXUGUmzRZi4Q-irr5SyX4VREvfKuDWgtATkC3q6Tg3mdKV9oaqjF_-z8ISiIHWv56zW_n5sfxzwwIBNmJF2PlJrxsEau0dPLlBwSCsO9-CJuRkUrS4251bxALHyJ19NsNLmOwk8Ms/s1600/swearing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaXJMXUGUmzRZi4Q-irr5SyX4VREvfKuDWgtATkC3q6Tg3mdKV9oaqjF_-z8ISiIHWv56zW_n5sfxzwwIBNmJF2PlJrxsEau0dPLlBwSCsO9-CJuRkUrS4251bxALHyJ19NsNLmOwk8Ms/s1600/swearing.jpg" height="400" width="307" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><i>Fun and Educational</i></span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">POETRY PLEASE “Assonance means
getting the rhyme wrong.”</span><sup>5</sup> <span style="font-size: large;">No, but ‘swan’ and ‘stone’ is a bad
example. Assonance (the rhyming of the vowels but not the consonants) is
immensely pleasing to the ear. I’d give you some other examples, but I can’t be
arsed to come up with any – it’s late. But so often the rhyming vowels, the echoed
syllable, form part of the pleasure in saying words like ‘motherfucker’; ‘bellend’;
and ‘bollocks’ – which is particularly lovely as one’s tongue has to roll round
that delightfully onomatopoeic -ollo- combination in the middle. <span style="color: magenta;">It even
resembles the male genitalia when written down</span>. It’s an absolute gift. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Furthermore, the proof of this
theory lies in the propensity for creative compound swearing. Admittedly we
have moved on from the tame and tabloidesque ‘studmuffin’, but who hasn’t laughed immoderately
when a much-esteemed social media acquaintance accuses one of ‘cockwombling
fuckmuffery’? The little scamps. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Poop-chute. Bunglec**t.
Jizz-Wizard. Fucktrumpet. <span style="color: magenta;">Not very grown-up; don’t care</span>. </span></span><br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">SEXIST? MOI? There are numerous
objections to the use of references to the female genitalia in pejorative
terms. Again, that’s not an argument I wish to go into. However, whilst no-one
is in doubt of one’s meaning when one refers to another as a ‘twat’, one may be
equally sure that, had one said ‘prick’, ‘dickhead’, ‘cock’ or ‘nobstick’, no
compliment was intended either. </span></span><br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Nobstick. See, that’s funny.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT1_QFBlv-qJWFN8-OaLTC1xz37WvHfVvX9QG_7mgw_E8fehLFRBWG9WrD4j_gUTxv9gLKMCQ7rW63_a6E96sxfzAzpJOW6Rx3vT36QRaBiwzEqiMiPp5feEi6IUFI8YC_iA35R3lCAmg/s1600/Katamino.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT1_QFBlv-qJWFN8-OaLTC1xz37WvHfVvX9QG_7mgw_E8fehLFRBWG9WrD4j_gUTxv9gLKMCQ7rW63_a6E96sxfzAzpJOW6Rx3vT36QRaBiwzEqiMiPp5feEi6IUFI8YC_iA35R3lCAmg/s1600/Katamino.jpg" height="506" width="640" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><i>Fun and Educational</i></span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I FUCKING LOVE FOOTNOTES</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup>1
</sup><span style="font-size: large;">There is no hypocrisy in the asterisks. 'C**t' tops the official Ofcom
list of words found offensive by the British public<sup>6</sup>, and though I
use it, I don't do so on stage or social media. I don't intend to cause
offence, believe it or not. I know where to draw the line. Sort of</span></i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup>2</sup>
<span style="font-size: large;">‘Pussy’ is another one. Very few can say that word at all. They’re so afraid of
it that it comes out as ‘Pissy’. For fuck’s sake, People. If you’re that afraid
of it, don’t even try</span></i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup>3</sup>
<span style="font-size: large;">Within reason. I’m a Lady. He’s got plenty more to learn yet</span></i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup>4</sup>
<span style="font-size: large;">He has never, ever sworn in anger, in my hearing. What he says with his peers
is his business. He keeps it out of the house</span></i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup>5</sup>
<span style="font-size: large;">Frank, in ‘</span></i><span style="font-size: large;">Educating Rita’<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">, by Willy
Russell</i></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup>6</sup>
<span style="font-size: large;">Now, that </span></i><span style="font-size: large;">is<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> actual research. I
downloaded the .pdf and everything</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Selenium Arsenic Oxygen Nitrogen Aluminum </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Iron Lithium
Carbon Iodine Titanium Einsteinium</span></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">That's what I wanted to call this post. Because it spells this (below). You know how much I love the Periodic Table, and this is the politest thing I've ever spelt with it. The relative atomic masses are all correct to one decimal place and everything. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Science is well sexy.</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFzoFbFFjIHMWDzCFXNcuTkxCwiMfgsXr_JysvvQIeKsdiPt-RoZXB7OHWD9d7ufjEInKZ2E1X3oUv04nceUsB8EkbF3D3iZR7fLzWzXhGOqB0W8So1BD2rq_VRuleDzFuUiPapE7sqe8/s1600/20141222_012313.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFzoFbFFjIHMWDzCFXNcuTkxCwiMfgsXr_JysvvQIeKsdiPt-RoZXB7OHWD9d7ufjEInKZ2E1X3oUv04nceUsB8EkbF3D3iZR7fLzWzXhGOqB0W8So1BD2rq_VRuleDzFuUiPapE7sqe8/s1600/20141222_012313.jpg" height="360" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>I made this. I think it's brilliant. So does Brian Cox, or he would, if he saw it. He'd say, 'Mu's cake is brilliaaaaant!'</i></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">IT'S CHRISTMAS, and every year I share something seasonal. You can hear my <b><span style="color: magenta;">traditional Christmas Eve ghost story</span></b> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaxZzBZJzwA" target="_blank">here</a> - I read it to my children an hour ago and, once again, they loved it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Here's something else, though. I read this, and the ghost story, at the <span style="color: magenta;"><b>Midwinter Poetry Cafe </b></span>just last week. You can read my friend Crysse's blog post about it <a href="http://crysse.blogspot.co.uk/2014/12/midwinter-medley.html" target="_blank">here</a>. This is a bit of Mu-Nonsense to bring to mind a very important but much overlooked period in the life of Jesus: we all know the story of the First Christmas, but very little is written about the Fifteenth Christmas.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">So here for you - being as I'm Pope and all - is...</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 20.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The Fifteenth Book of </span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">CHRISTMAS</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 20.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Chapter twelve, verses 1-24</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup>1</sup></span></span></span></sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">And it came
to pass that Joseph of Nazareth did speak unto his wife a third time, saying, O
most holy Mother, the cock hath crew thrice already and His L<span style="font-variant: small-caps;">ord</span>ship hath not yet arisen from his
pit. <sup>2</sup>And Mary did consider and reply, Do not forget, Husband, that
the L<span style="font-variant: small-caps;">ord</span> is a growing boy and He
needeth His sleep. <sup>3</sup>And mind thy grammar. </span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup> </sup></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup>4</sup></span><sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"></span></sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">That may be
so, Wife, said Joseph unto Mary, but it changeth not the fact that thou art
suffering Him to lie about in bed today of all days. <sup>5</sup>Whereupon Mary
did flick Joseph about the tunic with a teatowel, saying, Thou wert no doubt
the same when thou wert that age. Unto this Joseph could make no reply, for he
saw that the most Holy Virgin Mother did verily speak the truth. </span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup> </sup></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup>6</sup></span><sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"></span></sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">When he
could no more endure the waiting, Joseph did again go to Mary and implore of
her, Canst thou do nothing to wake Him? <sup>7</sup>The hour at which we break
our fast approacheth, and my stomach doth begin to believe that, like the
sacrificial lamb, my throat hath been cut. <sup>8</sup>At this Mary did roll of
her eyes unto Heaven and say, <sup>9</sup>Sooth, thou shalt not die of hunger,
thou great wet blanket, why dost thou not make thyself useful and bring forth
the Hoover? </span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup> </sup></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup>10</sup></span><sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"></span></sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The Hoover?
quoth Joseph. <sup>11</sup>Yea, the Hoover, quoth Mary, and verily at that
moment did a brilliant light<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>shine upon
the head of Joseph, and the angels did sing in holy harmony. Ah, uttered he, <sup>12</sup>I
get thy drift. </span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup> </sup></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup>13</sup></span><sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"></span></sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">And thus it
came to pass that Joseph did extract the Hoover from where it lay in a small
utility cave, the existence of which was unto him hitherto unknown. And in his
joy, Joseph was moved to exclaim, <sup>14</sup>Righteously with this Hoover
shall I cause the L<span style="font-variant: small-caps;">ord</span> to stir
even from his pit, that we may at last gladly and with thanks feast upon our
festive victuals and open our presents. <sup>15</sup>Well done, Husband, Mary
did reply unto him in such a virtuous whisper that he might not hear, <sup>16</sup>Art
thou not clever. </span></span><br /><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup>17</sup></span><sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"></span></sup><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">And at that
moment by the pressing of the button which beareth the Mighty Word, ‘ON’, did
Joseph cause the air to be rent by a fearful noise. <sup>18</sup>And the
fearful noise did continue until the door unto the L<span style="font-variant: small-caps;">ord</span>’s chamber did open, whereupon the L<span style="font-variant: small-caps;">ord</span> Himself did appear in His pants. At
this Joseph did rejoice in his small victory, and enquired of the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, <sup>19</sup><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: magenta;"><b>Jesus, what time dost
thou call this?</b></span></span> <sup>20</sup>And the L<span style="font-variant: small-caps;">ord</span>
was most displeased, and He did gnash of His teeth and speak in tongues about
it being well unfair, it’s like My birthday and everything. </span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup> </sup></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><sup>21</sup></span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">And with
that did He shuffle into the bathroom, from whence did issue sounds which,
though alarming, did fill of His parents’ hearts with hope that the L<span style="font-variant: small-caps;">ord</span> may yet appear a second time before noon. <sup>22</sup>And Mary did
turn unto Joseph, saying, there you are Husband, <sup>23</sup>the L<span style="font-variant: small-caps;">ord</span> doth move in mysterious ways. And
Joseph did reply, <sup>24</sup>Yea, dear Wife, that He doth. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Here endeth the lesson.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><i><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">© Muriel Lavender</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><i><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">November 2011</span></i></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-85408149713551511402014-12-01T17:02:00.000-08:002014-12-01T17:11:10.829-08:00IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE HOGSWATCH<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMjwOL7gTg8iEc1h-kOslHqF2cXO3NMInADHbae3Bh7yuqxdaOwHQymaQBIMgC1DbEXrra6lsU1bQNLKzEIucWowAVN85rMEmKJlWzoc5XnvGiwLbP_6x4n9EyeYA5h0wBUJpVAYxe_Lc/s1600/IMG_20141129_214336.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMjwOL7gTg8iEc1h-kOslHqF2cXO3NMInADHbae3Bh7yuqxdaOwHQymaQBIMgC1DbEXrra6lsU1bQNLKzEIucWowAVN85rMEmKJlWzoc5XnvGiwLbP_6x4n9EyeYA5h0wBUJpVAYxe_Lc/s1600/IMG_20141129_214336.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">This year was my third Hogswatch, and my second as the hostess of the Pink Pussycat Cabaret Club. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyykJ_D-EwNeI36ejDIsF8T6ArE5yudJHcwQWP5XOou3dC6jy-K_w1lEfAjwSjESuZn2VnKXJFwCjjdtv69ItEUlKXtGisZj6y5kqnDw1OKiP4Z-Fb-BYHiMCaBN5KhYiDdOFZA1xX5cA/s1600/20141129_231713.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyykJ_D-EwNeI36ejDIsF8T6ArE5yudJHcwQWP5XOou3dC6jy-K_w1lEfAjwSjESuZn2VnKXJFwCjjdtv69ItEUlKXtGisZj6y5kqnDw1OKiP4Z-Fb-BYHiMCaBN5KhYiDdOFZA1xX5cA/s1600/20141129_231713.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">If none of that means anything to you, be a love and pop over to Google for an explanation, because once again it's after midnight and I should be in bed. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_HtNNATx33GGDGbBXZJmgkLpg1ivmNA8RQREIt1twcmNEm4XKZKEL4I_pp9CDoF7QIG9LS-8GKwpKj_Zrw7vN5ORqBcGQYZragDOnK4myLiHhAEDz0Yo0gOKK_xUY56tG00FVdgWzdB4/s1600/IMG_20141201_225620.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_HtNNATx33GGDGbBXZJmgkLpg1ivmNA8RQREIt1twcmNEm4XKZKEL4I_pp9CDoF7QIG9LS-8GKwpKj_Zrw7vN5ORqBcGQYZragDOnK4myLiHhAEDz0Yo0gOKK_xUY56tG00FVdgWzdB4/s1600/IMG_20141201_225620.jpg" height="140" width="200" /></a><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">The bit that Google may not make immediately clear is the abundance is warmth and love that, each year, wraps itself round the small town in Somerset where Ankh-Morpork has found its twin. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG5saI8V_cDNgWNwa8wkisoO08ZtN_3Z4ovK1d6cDXkydOrgYJ1KGtx-OEK9uIOzdHhVEPgInI6FOo65H2DHEz66AzbvzQ8jBYR73XMZLtdisJVbjaWkvl9LcBYyKip4btorcv5nOXHBU/s1600/20141129_185825-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG5saI8V_cDNgWNwa8wkisoO08ZtN_3Z4ovK1d6cDXkydOrgYJ1KGtx-OEK9uIOzdHhVEPgInI6FOo65H2DHEz66AzbvzQ8jBYR73XMZLtdisJVbjaWkvl9LcBYyKip4btorcv5nOXHBU/s1600/20141129_185825-1.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></span></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I drove there on Saturday morning through blazing sunshine, drinking in gold all the way, thinking to myself, I'm going home. I'm going to my Family. That's how we all feel. </span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Enjoy the few pictures I've scattered though here; they barely touch the surface though, really. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpX9XIX5zsrHgt2i3d6pBnelUAZKaeYcy6K5XBa4vxoVIHqAQQZXOe5vPeHc4j6bgHQveXHDl1cIuNB64E2aymt5dH-tUo9iRG6kHU0HRJoiV3_38EV_wNqlown9dAzBzUC7Svw1FMZLQ/s1600/20141130_000853.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpX9XIX5zsrHgt2i3d6pBnelUAZKaeYcy6K5XBa4vxoVIHqAQQZXOe5vPeHc4j6bgHQveXHDl1cIuNB64E2aymt5dH-tUo9iRG6kHU0HRJoiV3_38EV_wNqlown9dAzBzUC7Svw1FMZLQ/s1600/20141130_000853.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">I tried to get a few Hogswatch selfies, which was fun, and there were lots of new faces too - 'Hogswatch Virgins'. Well: Virgins no more - or, as dear Douglas Adams would have had it, maybe rather flushed and sticky Virgins.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqBmm_VJF7nlfVXm1mBUt5OWsM5YSkd2NlMv9MMwGVVs4GjJvDQxdP4wB0AHqLExOLbLMcTxKyuWw6RfljijHXYnxjqw3wlG0j9gPgF5rEoRhjkyT5Ey_1mnD2T19o1_izF8IA8880Oks/s1600/20141130_150551.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqBmm_VJF7nlfVXm1mBUt5OWsM5YSkd2NlMv9MMwGVVs4GjJvDQxdP4wB0AHqLExOLbLMcTxKyuWw6RfljijHXYnxjqw3wlG0j9gPgF5rEoRhjkyT5Ey_1mnD2T19o1_izF8IA8880Oks/s1600/20141130_150551.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">As you know from a previous blog, I made a couple of donations to the annual auction in aid of RICE (Research Institute for Care for the Elderly). </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">These were a necklace I assembled myself from a mysterious marble found in my bed; and the beautiful artwork print of my f**k-off fantastic tattoo. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnDVMSFci4SObYjWlO4mRHypHqHRtyr6JGWUpvfEEh8CqhvP_q-qk5y-MAuWKlZ5WIQZvfEQuWfs47Th_p9lV1lvo8RGciNuBFZYDuKQ_elFHixYKmr11XMF5rNNqiCLK-w0OdDyrdM9I/s1600/20141106_191149.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnDVMSFci4SObYjWlO4mRHypHqHRtyr6JGWUpvfEEh8CqhvP_q-qk5y-MAuWKlZ5WIQZvfEQuWfs47Th_p9lV1lvo8RGciNuBFZYDuKQ_elFHixYKmr11XMF5rNNqiCLK-w0OdDyrdM9I/s1600/20141106_191149.jpg" height="200" width="170" /></a></span></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">In addition, I donated an envelope of fifteen or so Haiku that I had written for the occasion. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Here's the bit that floored me. The Haiku? A handful of moderately pornographic verses, and a dozen or so tributes to our DW friends? Sold for £55.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">The necklace? Which, actually, was rather lovely? Sold for £55. Maybe if I'd mentioned that I had slept in it, it might have fetched more...</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">And the print? One of only three, and the only one available to buy? Sold for £160.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHJw4ZXC7qtFl1Fm6c7gGK26Xu6Ad-26ylsR1NF3AJMESZpXmRDFEEt5kCBmWNBq9vRDIqMZz6oWPw9b9e4M_pYVR46wsnvu6EG3SS9SasRjHdUZxL4ibMdtLHeJdxOYSPXSUkO7jpkM8/s1600/20140926_173527.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHJw4ZXC7qtFl1Fm6c7gGK26Xu6Ad-26ylsR1NF3AJMESZpXmRDFEEt5kCBmWNBq9vRDIqMZz6oWPw9b9e4M_pYVR46wsnvu6EG3SS9SasRjHdUZxL4ibMdtLHeJdxOYSPXSUkO7jpkM8/s1600/20140926_173527.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I am humbled.</span></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyF_najtt97eN9F8EZO9z5OaYaj_yjI0ibxdbhar6cKbGrzNTtbn-79txqsyUBzPjkcwQzo8PVzfALOdOZnRZXKPpfk-AORu8l5xaws1V7tOPld1wN0sJ2W8T8r-_2Pb0AbwbFNqIYKoc/s1600/IMG_20141129_214507.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyF_najtt97eN9F8EZO9z5OaYaj_yjI0ibxdbhar6cKbGrzNTtbn-79txqsyUBzPjkcwQzo8PVzfALOdOZnRZXKPpfk-AORu8l5xaws1V7tOPld1wN0sJ2W8T8r-_2Pb0AbwbFNqIYKoc/s1600/IMG_20141129_214507.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Where else to take you? How can I, in a few words and pictures, do justice to the Hogswatch Talent Show; the visit from the Hogfather; the fabulous cake competition; the games, lectures and quizzes; the aerial hooping display; the Magnificent Makers' Market; the Sausage Supper or, indeed, The Cabaret show itself?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0FbarQckB-FE3OJ5yHf-FHoKzNWXjcfqQKJrF6ab5QaDjsp4e85zclobJQc_JhDPKiJI1AdzlMBUuTEAyLMrrMRydr6vI7KptpnnrcPQDA30RR9Rq_e-Wd5y_X1IBA3m0lfP3IowfSUY/s1600/20141130_151109.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0FbarQckB-FE3OJ5yHf-FHoKzNWXjcfqQKJrF6ab5QaDjsp4e85zclobJQc_JhDPKiJI1AdzlMBUuTEAyLMrrMRydr6vI7KptpnnrcPQDA30RR9Rq_e-Wd5y_X1IBA3m0lfP3IowfSUY/s1600/20141130_151109.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Of course, I can't. Not really. You had to be there. You really do have to be there. It's like nothing else, and I love it. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">One other thing: Davina challenged me in the afternoon to write a poem based on things shouted out by the audience on the Saturday afternoon.</span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4BYARQrI7_9h0oECOA3wKxZCsYw-Up2lGVkh730kou1lZUfEBfdXBjOpAsKYzQ7oM8prj68Rh1FUk_2selRMNx3SnFhOuTs_QrRISHfyA3VXCeBnEqqBe2KksTgp37mbhirF3AtR8Nb4/s1600/IMG_20141201_225820.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4BYARQrI7_9h0oECOA3wKxZCsYw-Up2lGVkh730kou1lZUfEBfdXBjOpAsKYzQ7oM8prj68Rh1FUk_2selRMNx3SnFhOuTs_QrRISHfyA3VXCeBnEqqBe2KksTgp37mbhirF3AtR8Nb4/s1600/IMG_20141201_225820.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> <span style="color: #351c75;">Things that sprang to mind when they thought of Hogswatch. Sausage! they shouted. Corsets! said someone. Drink! said pretty much everybody. Off you go, Mu. </span></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgezUERj02WHCtFxcWbbFTE5RBFZmAFPsZBAK3mzyZZNldLpMVO-Ag0ZQtuk1AfY5hLJq_MPWRHhe39obDouoTENcTE18mhto5WUfk5-XfQJuFpEl0t9WDcisO_WRARg2vlJg7WZYfVsdU/s1600/20141130_151421.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgezUERj02WHCtFxcWbbFTE5RBFZmAFPsZBAK3mzyZZNldLpMVO-Ag0ZQtuk1AfY5hLJq_MPWRHhe39obDouoTENcTE18mhto5WUfk5-XfQJuFpEl0t9WDcisO_WRARg2vlJg7WZYfVsdU/s1600/20141130_151421.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I had about an hour, by the time I'd got back to the hotel and changed my costume ready for the evening. This is it, as promised. I don't know if it has a title yet; I'm still waiting for it to tell me. But it's a cautionary tale, of a sort, such as befits the season. Sort of. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;">This is the tale of Felicity Vaine<br />Whose tastes for the high life were such<br />That she only drank of the finest Champagne<br />And dined upon truffles – so much<br /><br />That her father despaired of her, so he said “Flair,<br />Your habits are costly and fine<br />Your disdain for the ordinary makes me despair!<br />In fact, I’ve decided it’s time<br /><br />That you learnt a new lesson in life! Yes, indeed!<br />Simple pleasures, you know. Now I’ve talked<br />To your Mother about it, and she is agreed<br />We’re sending you to Ankh-Morpork!”<br /><br />“But Daddy!” sobbed Flick, “But it’s Hogswatch, you Fiend!<br />And I’ve heard the place smells like a drain!”<br />“That’s as may be, young lady, but you’re not the Queen<br />And you’re drinking me dry of Champagne –<br /><br />So don’t argue, your bags are all packed, off you go<br />The train’s got a good head of steam<br />And when you come back, let’s hope that you know<br />Life is not just a big bowl of cream!”<br /><br />Poor Fliss – she wasn’t cut out for that life<br />Though she wasn’t without common sense;<br />She bought a corset and a long silver knife<br />And she took up a new residence<br /><br />At a boarding house owned by one Madam Palm<br />(Whose daughters were residents, too)<br />Felicity reasoned with no hint of alarm,<br />“I’m a well classy bird through and through<br /><br />I could toil at housemaiding, earning my bread<br />On my knees, until they are sore;<br />But the manner to which im accustomed,” she said,<br />“I need money – so I’ll be a Whore!”<br /><br />She made a glittering start, being young, fresh and pert<br />(Though glitter’s a rookie mistake<br />She soon learnt not to sprinkle it under her skirts<br />Because after a while, it chafes)<br /><br />Her clients were noble and wealthy young men<br />Fliss Vaine was the toast of all Ankh<br />Oh yes, the toffs wanted a piece of her then<br />They all love an upper-class yank<br /><br />But life has a why of handing out fates<br />And Felicity Vaine’s heart was won<br />By an unlikely squire who held out a plate:<br />“How about this – inna bun?”<br /><br />Well – she looked, and she looked, and her violet eyes<br />Took him in from his boots to his smock;<br />And her breath came in fast and her eyes opened wide<br />As she noticed the size of his – sausage<br /><br />So Felicity lost most of her dainty ways<br />And fell from her pedestal high<br />She couldn’t resist Dibbler’s sausage, no, nay,<br />Nor his rock-solid thighs. – I mean pies.<br /></span></span><div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>© Muriel Lavender</i></span></span><br /><span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Hogswatch 2014</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Well - they asked for it.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk9nZl0sOA3Zr81grAUGz3tsWE5fsWs-B7_Y4OdKoXHq8L-PYTd9BMS23MxnPHBfYQSnCXciZWQY2sGkF6qbF7GFN2EQkemyCaqL9R2Mp2ogzcKCAYcf4lspRSMdEw4b4kNw2W3un4Qag/s1600/20141130_160848.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk9nZl0sOA3Zr81grAUGz3tsWE5fsWs-B7_Y4OdKoXHq8L-PYTd9BMS23MxnPHBfYQSnCXciZWQY2sGkF6qbF7GFN2EQkemyCaqL9R2Mp2ogzcKCAYcf4lspRSMdEw4b4kNw2W3un4Qag/s1600/20141130_160848.jpg" height="320" width="275" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">So... Thanks to Bernard, Reb, Ian, Boggis and all the organising crew who make it happen. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Thanks to Davina, Alison, Mari, my DW Mummy Ulisa, Pat Harkin, The Bear Inn, everyone who looks after me like the over-fluffed Diva I am. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimg6q3C9skOr2j3KV4kjbxrfsjNAtOSPjVqe0Tw24KEdth12-XAzl5Is_zqTNx97TADeLS7Q8hZ3gNWIhGwszw_HeoQbzksZtgMY97GNqxeNWNsqfMG4DtXkY0nnPKxAut6N6CcVj0EWg/s1600/20141130_000929.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimg6q3C9skOr2j3KV4kjbxrfsjNAtOSPjVqe0Tw24KEdth12-XAzl5Is_zqTNx97TADeLS7Q8hZ3gNWIhGwszw_HeoQbzksZtgMY97GNqxeNWNsqfMG4DtXkY0nnPKxAut6N6CcVj0EWg/s1600/20141130_000929.jpg" height="145" width="200" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Thanks to Kev, George, Pam, Rob, Nige, Jan, Vicky, Steve, Robin, Phil, Cohen, Matthew, Alex, Renta, Ana, AJ, Haddock, Harry, Darren, Carrot, David, Stew, Pixie, Ellie, Erik, Renta, Eli, Jacob, Aine, </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCgviii8bryQyVjCjQQXuDDus_bpjkKlpS3fvt67wY_Wpo8VUQ19OIlqackkEXPodX156i3SQIcPVcmE3QVeER_rOAdDbIiXeKTvtvYs6LbA-3RFqP3hueZaTg4I9E9dYYP9cgJgYpY0E/s1600/20141130_000918.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCgviii8bryQyVjCjQQXuDDus_bpjkKlpS3fvt67wY_Wpo8VUQ19OIlqackkEXPodX156i3SQIcPVcmE3QVeER_rOAdDbIiXeKTvtvYs6LbA-3RFqP3hueZaTg4I9E9dYYP9cgJgYpY0E/s1600/20141130_000918.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></span></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Angelina, Adele, Ras, Krystel, Adora (much missed), Dibbler (remembered in rhyme), Igorina, Kirstine, Vanessa, Ian, Pam, Dr Hix, Grundy, Amy, Richard, Nina, Chris, Mandy, </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgXQFptk7vB-ToZp68fq6sgb-ieKgxigNomXDkCvpYmqWM5bwDwGlMQdSAALugNPdS_nQk9B-SkWlbm6Ie58fIbhZrpgt5CfXOeD4429QUzRCZUW8NpR0ijED6mQtcCTVJGid0pEZYv7o/s1600/20141130_134418.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgXQFptk7vB-ToZp68fq6sgb-ieKgxigNomXDkCvpYmqWM5bwDwGlMQdSAALugNPdS_nQk9B-SkWlbm6Ie58fIbhZrpgt5CfXOeD4429QUzRCZUW8NpR0ijED6mQtcCTVJGid0pEZYv7o/s1600/20141130_134418.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">
Granny W, and all the endless people I can't name because it's now half past midnight and I still have laundry to deal with. But I love you. All of you. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEIv6HuRBeR6bH1Sw6Jreej8yXhgLU40u2IRR1JwappoG_b66tSb3uHuAKNUZghML8PGDROkkJFhOirKoNzGZGexzOnF3LlO5k_ThYjW8C-aFNRZKawsMXJMDXeLl6Sn8D3en4ZPi419E/s1600/20141130_124550.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEIv6HuRBeR6bH1Sw6Jreej8yXhgLU40u2IRR1JwappoG_b66tSb3uHuAKNUZghML8PGDROkkJFhOirKoNzGZGexzOnF3LlO5k_ThYjW8C-aFNRZKawsMXJMDXeLl6Sn8D3en4ZPi419E/s1600/20141130_124550.jpg" height="400" width="225" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Thank you, Hat. Thank you, Terry. For everything.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlklPj_LgVwah9uVhyphenhyphenbCW2UdHXtgc1c5eYUaxAuM7R8Nyflc2GtI2rqGBoyqRDUzdu5GJpDaN9xE2VxAfTedoyvuGBszCFckLtCx4qRuxQ79dYhWUkIvFwDWbtTLbx2_IQW0QvaVMdCG4/s1600/IMG_20141130_165052.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlklPj_LgVwah9uVhyphenhyphenbCW2UdHXtgc1c5eYUaxAuM7R8Nyflc2GtI2rqGBoyqRDUzdu5GJpDaN9xE2VxAfTedoyvuGBszCFckLtCx4qRuxQ79dYhWUkIvFwDWbtTLbx2_IQW0QvaVMdCG4/s1600/IMG_20141130_165052.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-75234193042061323872014-11-23T17:15:00.001-08:002014-11-23T17:16:32.458-08:00CHECK OUT MY RACK (No, my actual rack)<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><a href="http://muriel-lavender.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/your-opinion-matters-wait-no-it-doesnt.html" target="_blank">CONDESCENDING WITCH</a> IN THE KITCHEN </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I'm going to attempt to type this over the cat, so if it is full of silly errors, that will be why (honestly: she's very very old, and no longer understands that sometimes she gets in the way. No, she says, The Universe is mine now. All will fit round me).</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjynKwqDLb2VRk7bGymIYzuTavKN9i4LU_Pe_Ds1Y9klGGzzEJBi_-GnIDXJaZ21JJTvT3xazEzeUuD44o3NBYkaedK9YnHVd8pNhtIBepXu1WcoL50d1LuJj8lBs-p4yxarIUXkoAbZE/s1600/20141123_233628.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjynKwqDLb2VRk7bGymIYzuTavKN9i4LU_Pe_Ds1Y9klGGzzEJBi_-GnIDXJaZ21JJTvT3xazEzeUuD44o3NBYkaedK9YnHVd8pNhtIBepXu1WcoL50d1LuJj8lBs-p4yxarIUXkoAbZE/s1600/20141123_233628.jpg" height="360" width="640" /></a></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1aCr0ZSYwixw5VuoDz7c4urVqRXzjE-M9xE0tfDXt2-00LmP3E2kk4hZGhC3HpRgG0s3j_bv_REeQIwMTfm94rSvzdpI2m3NCDdBi40OE8IxRdCoBJslDAs-dwF6fktkEGUk_fLAqs2k/s1600/IMG_20141123_150655.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1aCr0ZSYwixw5VuoDz7c4urVqRXzjE-M9xE0tfDXt2-00LmP3E2kk4hZGhC3HpRgG0s3j_bv_REeQIwMTfm94rSvzdpI2m3NCDdBi40OE8IxRdCoBJslDAs-dwF6fktkEGUk_fLAqs2k/s1600/IMG_20141123_150655.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">This blog is not about my cat, but it is about nice things. Not ranty things. For a change. I've been baking this weekend, you see, and of course being the SocMed Addict that I am (and I had to restrain myself from use of hashtags there) I uploaded pictures of yummy things onto <a href="http://instagram.com/muriellavender" target="_blank">Instagram</a>*.</span></span></span> </span></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim0WB-lLccG-rFxBxn3HsDbB6Jop46yuiUjOjDEhdzHtWDFyQUuxkmQEXwBJi0Y7-FJxfQPykd6KS9KQJKmpqXnE5RZ19SXDyH3lTHd9Wo2HOkntsizUCvlcyMTGOUT3nzbNbqI_qNYxw/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-24-00-12-02.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim0WB-lLccG-rFxBxn3HsDbB6Jop46yuiUjOjDEhdzHtWDFyQUuxkmQEXwBJi0Y7-FJxfQPykd6KS9KQJKmpqXnE5RZ19SXDyH3lTHd9Wo2HOkntsizUCvlcyMTGOUT3nzbNbqI_qNYxw/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-24-00-12-02.png" height="320" width="283" /></a><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Inexplicably, people asked for recipes - which is tricky to fulfil, as I make them up. But you're welcome to give them a bash. Don't expect miracles, though. I don't, and I'm the fucking Pope.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Here is the flapjack recipe. Everyone knows how to make flapjack so I won't go into a list of instructions. Just grease the tin well, use a low-ish heat (180C) as the sugar content is high, and let them cool in the tin. Oh - before they go into the pan, put the cornflakes in a bag and hit them repeatedly with a rolling pin. That's fun to do.</span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmEBwZLN1uXgKrb8zPfKs0JE72AQiZebqckUwEIXKa2qyGDMYuFLgkvFX3FBe7OO-qSPAZGh576CVldlY28_mgCX0IRum17lEvL3AJIQMzXsHNK94zl0vZEk0BJ-enSiL6Q2i7FSWjUNg/s1600/IMG_20141115_153859.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmEBwZLN1uXgKrb8zPfKs0JE72AQiZebqckUwEIXKa2qyGDMYuFLgkvFX3FBe7OO-qSPAZGh576CVldlY28_mgCX0IRum17lEvL3AJIQMzXsHNK94zl0vZEk0BJ-enSiL6Q2i7FSWjUNg/s1600/IMG_20141115_153859.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">BREAD - I love to make bread and I don't do it often enough. There's nothing clever or fancy or artisan about my ingredients or my method ('Artisan'. If you mean 'handmade', say handmade. Please); I'm not claiming that my results are spectacular or better than those of others, like her off telly and that; and I cheat and use this (left) because I don't like getting gooey dough under my ridiculously long fingernails. KitchenAid. I do love it. Sigh. And it's purple...</span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR9qsjWvit-c4dU5OMbycSmCFFtlML1tiFCpYz0A8fZmOsBtRZTLnQDi09qWVtQ4bhPDPtpTAxgUvpHP0Lh7OWxoGaZmNZaAqJwXnaFHIzTWxjEuhkO3S2UOQNvpFbU3f79mEn60MvIlU/s1600/IMG_20141123_151504.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR9qsjWvit-c4dU5OMbycSmCFFtlML1tiFCpYz0A8fZmOsBtRZTLnQDi09qWVtQ4bhPDPtpTAxgUvpHP0Lh7OWxoGaZmNZaAqJwXnaFHIzTWxjEuhkO3S2UOQNvpFbU3f79mEn60MvIlU/s1600/IMG_20141123_151504.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">What is more, if I take a break and then go back to breadmaking after a long time, the first batch is always like bricks. Always. Fortunately my family like my 'Dwarf Bread' so it gets eaten up just as fast as the decent loaves. Check out those delicious little bastards on the right, though - those are Marmite pinwheels. I didn't invent them, I only attempted to emulate them. Here's what to do: </span></span></span><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">1. Make a quantity of bread dough (see below). After it's risen, roll or press it thick but flat on a floured surface. </span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">2. Spread Marmite all over that motherfucker. As thick as you like. Do it. Then sprinkle grated cheese all over it if you want to. Mmmm. Yeah.</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">3. Roll the dough up like a Swiss roll. Pinch the edge closed if you like; it's not an exact Science. Slice the roll into, I don't know, 3/4" or 1" slices, depending on how big you want the finished pinwheels to be. </span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">4. Arrange them in a floured tin - two floured tins, they need space - and bake at 200C for about 17-20 mins.</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">5. Cool on a wire rack. Prepare yourself for adulation.</span></span></span></i><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">BREAD DOUGH - do it in any way that works for you. My way is not especially wholesome or pure. But the end results never last more than a day before they're gone - so something's working.</span></span></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_asvDBoLUH200c8ITBbe7pUVYNxZtD0MH9_MRe0gQfP4g3jXhECbpSMbas6PdLMOIEpBtZrIjx579O1Env6CjwZBwmzJDScPYrhmjSobnNgRC864yHjq5zJ9YRpPjhKl1n137BM8r4BQ/s1600/IMG_20141123_152352.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_asvDBoLUH200c8ITBbe7pUVYNxZtD0MH9_MRe0gQfP4g3jXhECbpSMbas6PdLMOIEpBtZrIjx579O1Env6CjwZBwmzJDScPYrhmjSobnNgRC864yHjq5zJ9YRpPjhKl1n137BM8r4BQ/s1600/IMG_20141123_152352.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">1. Half a bag of flour. I use white. Don't judge me. In a bowl. Make a well. </span></span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Drop
two dessertspoons of sugar into the well. Fill it with warm water. Not
too warm. Drop two teaspoons of yeast into the water and stir.</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">2. Cover the water and yeast with flour from the edges and leave it for ten minutes until the yeast is working. Sprinkle two dessertspoons of salt round the edge of the bowl - keep it away from the yeast for now. You might want a bit more salt - up to you.</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">3. Mix up the flour, water, yeast etc with a knife. Add more water and incorporate all the flour. Add flavourings at this point if you like - herbs, fried onions, olive oil, seeds, nuts, mixed peel, anything.</span></span></span></i><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXJtKzwb_qiTODNK20ahEa_YtqqxFXO4uHzW0zWMKWZjposBHcCcX19VhmEU5rI-z7iVb9lwOaxIf03MQmyUDs8hEYyAEmNHgk2uCAUkkWe3Ue3qJtKwhjPpJmtj6lvv7F9fG3tcAxfPw/s1600/IMG_20141123_150821.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXJtKzwb_qiTODNK20ahEa_YtqqxFXO4uHzW0zWMKWZjposBHcCcX19VhmEU5rI-z7iVb9lwOaxIf03MQmyUDs8hEYyAEmNHgk2uCAUkkWe3Ue3qJtKwhjPpJmtj6lvv7F9fG3tcAxfPw/s1600/IMG_20141123_150821.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">4. Once the dough is formed, knead it on a floured surface. This is important and meditative. Yes, it's the bit I don't do because it's gooey. You can do this in a mixer with a dough hook for five minutes, or by hand for about fifteen. Roll, press, fold. Roll, press, fold. Until it's clean and elastic.</span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">5. Let the dough rise in the bowl for 30 minutes. Bit of olive oil over it, cling film, and a tea towel. Warm place. It should double in size. </span></span></span></i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbnlb94wnQ7WGjDnKyJFlOhZKGVnkAi4vSbOZMCovlk6yG_cnXp-xGMXdnFPUFY8covB1err5QJU2eLSz-mRWhXd_48HkRyRsBZb2RnoR4cuCyDsIlXeWGBtv9uLsdLbR1TxJ8NRK3Pu8/s1600/IMG_20141123_151303.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbnlb94wnQ7WGjDnKyJFlOhZKGVnkAi4vSbOZMCovlk6yG_cnXp-xGMXdnFPUFY8covB1err5QJU2eLSz-mRWhXd_48HkRyRsBZb2RnoR4cuCyDsIlXeWGBtv9uLsdLbR1TxJ8NRK3Pu8/s1600/IMG_20141123_151303.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">6. Shape the dough and put it in floured baking pans. I make rolls or small loaves as they cook faster.</span></span></span></i><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>7. Into the oven for 20 minutes. Don't open the oven until the end (you know that though). Cool on a rack. Lie to your children about hot bread giving you indigestion. Help yourself once they've left the room. And don't burn yourself when you take them out of the oven. Ouch.</i></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Bake. Balls it up. Have another go. Let me know how you get on.</span></span></span><br />
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<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">*Do you follow me on Instagram? You really should. </span></span></span></i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-4713509493353116922014-11-18T15:31:00.002-08:002014-11-18T15:34:00.039-08:00BY THE GARMENTS HE HATH ON<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #20124d;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">ANTI-BULLYING WEEK</span></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">17-21 NOVEMBER 2014</span></b></span> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Let me get this bit over with.</span></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;">IF YOU EVER HEAR ME UTTER THE WORD 'KARDASHIAN', TURN AWAY - I MAY HAVE SNEEZED.</span></span></b></div>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">That is not bullying. I merely illustrate the point that I am not here to discuss Kim's rear end: ironically, I can't be arsed. Thank you.</span></span></i></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">For a few days now, I've been brewing one up over <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/science/video/2014/nov/14/rosetta-scientist-matt-taylor-breaks-down-apology-offensive-shirt-video" target="_blank">this Shirt business</a>. Just when I thought the battle was all in vain, and I was going to have to lay aside my spoon and spew forth bile and outrage whilst exhorting the Keyboard Warriors to <span style="color: magenta;"><b>Just Be Fucking Nice For A Change, It Doesn't Cost A Fucking Penny, You Irretrievably Myopic Slack-Jawed Learn-Nothing Want-Wits</b></span> (breathe, Mu - that's the girl), Colin gave me a better idea. That is, it's still his idea. I'm just running away with it.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">BULLYING FUCKING SUCKS.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Nothing else need be said. There is no excuse for bullying, ever. Never. Don't sit behind your computer and act like a c**t. If you wouldn't say it to someone's face, don't type it; and if you would say it to their face, then possibly you're a git. Do you want to be a git? No? Then be nice. Or shut the fuck up.</span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>THE IMPORTANT BIT </b></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$text0:0:$0:0">Ok - smile! Here's Colin's idea. It's his birthday tomorrow, Wednesday 19 November. He said this (see pic). He's a top bloke.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv8C1iQS-uYmDBasaAQiT94BvzKBvhi5ubZNXu9PfONjzth2iyc1tCzzCFjB4hOf8OkUUPW-qkydiLiu3SEod5E7tbKgmoF5bsRXMlmQooC6L77rEcZdB_n8Gu6jVNTGx5bhqDb6y-MqE/s1600/SillyShirt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv8C1iQS-uYmDBasaAQiT94BvzKBvhi5ubZNXu9PfONjzth2iyc1tCzzCFjB4hOf8OkUUPW-qkydiLiu3SEod5E7tbKgmoF5bsRXMlmQooC6L77rEcZdB_n8Gu6jVNTGx5bhqDb6y-MqE/s1600/SillyShirt.jpg" height="320" width="309" /></a></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$text0:0:$0:0">So to take part, all
you have to do is <b>post a pic of yourself in a crazy, colourful, gaudy
or plain badass shirt</b> on <span style="color: magenta;">WED 19 NOVEMBER</span>. I recommend posting it on the</span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$text0:0:$0:0"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$text0:0:$0:0"> Facebook page </span><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/drtatttaylor?fref=ts" target="_blank">'10k for Dr Taylor'</a> </span><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"> with the following hashtags:</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><a class="_58cn" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range0:0" dir="ltr" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/rosetta"><span class="_58cl" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range0:0.0">#</span><span class="_58cm" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range0:0.1">Rosetta</span></a></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><a class="_58cn" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range1:0" dir="ltr" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/10klikesfordrtaylor"><span class="_58cl" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range1:0.0">#</span><span class="_58cm" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range1:0.1">10kLikesForDrTaylor</span></a></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span class="_58cm" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range1:0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><a class="_58cn" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range2:0" dir="ltr" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/antibullying"><span class="_58cl" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range2:0.0">#</span><span class="_58cm" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range2:0.1">AntiBullying</span></a></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$text3:0:$0:0"></span><a class="_58cn" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range3:0" dir="ltr" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/happybirthdaycolin"><span class="_58cl" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range3:0.0">#</span><span class="_58cm" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range3:0.1">HappyBirthdayColin</span></a><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"> </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">...<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$text3:0:$0:0">I'm going to throw that last one in </span></span></span>for good measure. You can add a link to this blog, too, if you like.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span class="_58cm" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range1:0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span class="_58cm" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range1:0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$text3:0:$0:0"></span></span></span> </span><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$text2:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Don't forget <a href="https://twitter.com/MurielLavender" target="_blank">Twitter</a> and <a href="http://instagram.com/muriellavender" target="_blank">Instagram</a>, and if you are able to make a charitable donation, please do so.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591310084302635:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">If anyone cares to give money in the name of anti-bullying, here are some links to anti-bullying charities</span></span></span>.</span></span> <br />
<a href="http://www.bullying.co.uk/"><span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;">www.bullying.co.uk</span></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.bulliesout.com/"><span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;">www.bulliesout.com</span></span></a><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/">www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk</a></span></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;">In the US: <a href="http://livedifferent.com/">http://livedifferent.com</a></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$text0:0:$0:0"></span><span data-reactid=".lw.1:3:1:$comment591010244332619_591315610968749:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">There are plenty of others. I am not endorsing these ones. Choose another if you like. I donated to one that supports families of LGBT victims of bullying earlier this year.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5ih5DkTlMLAqu5rghDL550n3bnJRgLlpV79JlNdISqQUxfZZXAP_3kw-BC7D6Q5-jgo-IxoPN10rXKzrJgAsPqY60zW0r5oRWyo0FoOD-2HIlcF7pBoQ0rC15zwXETVMINVLvLDrOCiU/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-17-20-50-35.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5ih5DkTlMLAqu5rghDL550n3bnJRgLlpV79JlNdISqQUxfZZXAP_3kw-BC7D6Q5-jgo-IxoPN10rXKzrJgAsPqY60zW0r5oRWyo0FoOD-2HIlcF7pBoQ0rC15zwXETVMINVLvLDrOCiU/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-17-20-50-35.png" height="400" width="225" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Now. Here is a photo of Dr Matt Taylor, and a link to the real story he's been involved in, actually, bollocks to that, go to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matt_Taylor_%28scientist%29" target="_blank">his wiki page</a> instead, he's amazing. But it doesn't stop there, does it? I now find myself obliged to agree with everyone's favourite bumbling moptop <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Johnson" target="_blank">Boris Fucking Johnson</a>, who apparently said:</span></span> <br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">"There must be room in our world for eccentricity, even if it offends
the prudes, and room for the vague other-worldliness that often goes
with genius."</span></i></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Fuck's sake.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Finally, here is how I think his apology should have gone. And you know how I feel about <i>opinions</i>; I should be grateful that all of twenty-five people agreed with it. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Presumably, everyone else thinks it's balls.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx2tPR6Hmq26_G7ZNlrTYYmFHpFN_q2VW6sWJ1KujXdiykOeasYFI0Cy13o3-HFsBkhK5iho7-cx5K9oniJJFbBJdUY9Kc_iO1bRvLexODuG051AS6D5mrl5QbkegzzmQbwYi3pyDcvhg/s1600/apology.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx2tPR6Hmq26_G7ZNlrTYYmFHpFN_q2VW6sWJ1KujXdiykOeasYFI0Cy13o3-HFsBkhK5iho7-cx5K9oniJJFbBJdUY9Kc_iO1bRvLexODuG051AS6D5mrl5QbkegzzmQbwYi3pyDcvhg/s1600/apology.jpg" height="136" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Now... Hand me a new spoon, Butler, for I must bite through it with vigour.</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-82682974704328852552014-11-12T15:09:00.000-08:002014-11-16T08:05:17.521-08:00HELLO, SWEETIE<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">For anyone who didn't get hold of issue 242 of Skin Deep Tattoo Magazine, you can view the article here. It's quite nice. You can even purchase back copies if you go <a href="http://www.skindeep.co.uk/back-issues" target="_blank">here</a>. </span></span>
<iframe height="480" src="https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-mQS4T12k1hT3I4VzJBdnM1eDg/preview" width="640"></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-84838196311831788592014-11-06T16:53:00.000-08:002014-11-06T16:53:38.986-08:00YES, I FOUND THE MARBLE. THIS IS WHY I'M LOSING IT AGAIN<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"> CHARITY AUCTION. THAT'S THE POINT. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">JUST SO YOU KNOW.</span></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB7grwIe1W8h1IVilh2fdkctL-1lOv80GsfYquNjZiQ7YKvAJx2TLhCE6LKfC_O9UAgfEGf0AAsTM9IvXY9hdW8etVQDuLAwiO8voJTFGUB01GAouBf3jSm-I0K_AfrQLu3D3LS-lIfcM/s1600/20140926_173527.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB7grwIe1W8h1IVilh2fdkctL-1lOv80GsfYquNjZiQ7YKvAJx2TLhCE6LKfC_O9UAgfEGf0AAsTM9IvXY9hdW8etVQDuLAwiO8voJTFGUB01GAouBf3jSm-I0K_AfrQLu3D3LS-lIfcM/s1600/20140926_173527.jpg" height="464" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>The signed print. In my hands. Retail value $75. Limited edition of three prints, and the only one available to buy</i></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">A while ago I published a blog called 'The Best Photo I Never Took', or something like it, I can't remember, anyway, it's <a href="http://muriel-lavender.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/the-best-photo-i-ever-took.html" target="_blank">here</a>, but no need to look, there wasn't much in it, and the photo is below so don't bother. Come back to me. Thank you.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">It featured a single photo of a marble I found in my bed. I don't know where it came from, or how it got there. I accept it's not an impossible thing to happen, but generally I can follow the logic of random bed-finds. This was different: I have no recollection of anyone playing marbles in my bed, and the mystery remains. I held it up to the light, and my little daughter pressed the button on my phone to take a picture. </span></span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7i9Cc759Rofvgot_g5AGE93ILTMweUiu82kgzDitUZXO0LvnRp4B2a-vfdLPwT8dOcVLxnj-ySvBkAjBectcVBJtpBISUHJoTLD1Z0fJgVmvz88scqht8OElIAz5kJeYt90LoVD7-ex4/s1600/IMG_20140810_091229.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7i9Cc759Rofvgot_g5AGE93ILTMweUiu82kgzDitUZXO0LvnRp4B2a-vfdLPwT8dOcVLxnj-ySvBkAjBectcVBJtpBISUHJoTLD1Z0fJgVmvz88scqht8OElIAz5kJeYt90LoVD7-ex4/s1600/IMG_20140810_091229.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Photo: Tiny Sprig</i></span></span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">I really love that picture. It makes me think of so many things, so many worlds, Universes, possibilities... captured in the morning light by a sleepy child. Shall I get to the point? Because I'm about to lose my marble...</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">SOMEONE CLOSE TO ME has recently received a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. I don't really know what that means. That is to say, we all have an idea, or we think we do... we all say 'what did I come upstairs for?' twenty times a day, then laugh and say 'It's my age!' - Well, I suspect the journey of finding out what Dementia really means is about to begin. I'm a little bit frightened. I wonder if my Someone is, too.</span></span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDC9XJpgsxB-T1_zGdJBo1JfNFI26m5_M1rtobE-HUe6WLqCRLxnBYKhUrn43JxUDvkYBFvunAY6jZGzSORQ3CMh_FZ-aNNkWusjPwQxIKBdmZij1G1x05depF_lzjJpq76XF-DMxEmQA/s1600/20141106_191149.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDC9XJpgsxB-T1_zGdJBo1JfNFI26m5_M1rtobE-HUe6WLqCRLxnBYKhUrn43JxUDvkYBFvunAY6jZGzSORQ3CMh_FZ-aNNkWusjPwQxIKBdmZij1G1x05depF_lzjJpq76XF-DMxEmQA/s1600/20141106_191149.jpg" height="320" width="301" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">NOT LOST: the Marble</span></i></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">I LIKED THAT MARBLE so much that I had it caged and fastened round my neck. I shall certainly not lose it, like that. But now I am choosing to donate it, for whatever it is worth, to the annual charity auction at the <span style="color: magenta;"><b>Discworld Hogswatch celebrations</b></span> later this month. Yes, perhaps it is a symbolic gesture. Perhaps it's somewhat flippant. But I think you know me, by now. I choose, symbolically, to lose my marble, in the name of charity.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">The necklace is not all. You may also be aware of some fundraising activity I undertook a mere matter of weeks ago. <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo3JBMO_z8Zzc-tWLRT7eeB2JHJd3gKj8JooQyQK1977HZokJ97uUBXA7qDM-mssufVyiDE6ItDz8VNiT7nno-I7JsR88VozyefaPt2NOqVTosZ2LVH2baL2n3-EE3lqmF4Ylf_tyk6xM/s1600/IMG_20140920_104338.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo3JBMO_z8Zzc-tWLRT7eeB2JHJd3gKj8JooQyQK1977HZokJ97uUBXA7qDM-mssufVyiDE6ItDz8VNiT7nno-I7JsR88VozyefaPt2NOqVTosZ2LVH2baL2n3-EE3lqmF4Ylf_tyk6xM/s1600/IMG_20140920_104338.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Skin Deep Tattoo Magazine</i></td></tr>
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In case you haven't been keeping up, take a look at another <a href="http://muriel-lavender.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/your-opinion-matters-wait-no-it-doesnt.html" target="_blank">blog entry</a>, in which I provide details of my giant tattoo in aid of <a href="http://www.dorothyhouse.co.uk/" target="_blank">Dorothy House Hospice Care</a> and <a href="http://www.depressionalliance.org/" target="_blank">Depression Alliance</a>. Those were the two chosen charities of the British Beard and Moustache Championships 2014, which I co-hosted back in September (<a href="http://muriel-lavender.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/the-british-beard-and-moustache.html" target="_blank">go on, go and have a look</a>). The event raised a total of £5000 - <b><span style="color: magenta;">over a quarter of which came from donations to my tattoo fundraiser</span></b>. Well done, you fine people, and thank you. </span></span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1UWV_g12Po6oD54doKxatGCnef68AG_7PuI459px-gTSNk-gxucbP2akCxlADN42Zg0IAmDLeCnZV4Zd8SD6TwTPs6XjLZXb_MUH94pTUsBRsRZ2xz0xWiyVJ-cH9OnQ2bIfwCBdQyKk/s1600/IMG_20140613_221644.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1UWV_g12Po6oD54doKxatGCnef68AG_7PuI459px-gTSNk-gxucbP2akCxlADN42Zg0IAmDLeCnZV4Zd8SD6TwTPs6XjLZXb_MUH94pTUsBRsRZ2xz0xWiyVJ-cH9OnQ2bIfwCBdQyKk/s1600/IMG_20140613_221644.jpg" height="200" width="199" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Brian Kesinger's 'Otto & Victoria'</i></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.bkartonline.com/" target="_blank">Brian Kesinger</a>, who did my tattoo artwork, sent me three signed prints of the design. I have kept one. The second has gone to my Mamma, who loves Shakespeare even more than I do. The third will be auctioned off at the end of the month, at the Hogswatch celebrations, in aid of <a href="http://www.rice.org.uk/" target="_blank">RICE</a> - the Research Institute for the Care of the Elderly. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6CBH9372xtnDaUDVh8ZLXX2bEQhbEIPTbYOlwo9hmIaXeC2Brr3gG3oC6l-UUflVb4ga-fvGWWQOlLQxPy1GcSchj4CQdiJGDlk4WJoQ7OQEEHWm8iomusagS-wdBenXca940tG7H2po/s1600/IMG_20141016_223525.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6CBH9372xtnDaUDVh8ZLXX2bEQhbEIPTbYOlwo9hmIaXeC2Brr3gG3oC6l-UUflVb4ga-fvGWWQOlLQxPy1GcSchj4CQdiJGDlk4WJoQ7OQEEHWm8iomusagS-wdBenXca940tG7H2po/s1600/IMG_20141016_223525.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Yes, I'm being Victoria. And there's Otto</i></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">The purpose of this blog is not to ask for donations again, though of course you can give if you want to - go <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/rice/donate" target="_blank">here</a>. Just have a look at the photos and, if you want to put in a bid for the print, or even for the necklace, just <a href="http://www.muriel-lavender.com/" target="_blank">drop me a line</a>.</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4V76xOh-1ZlzqldPaGrHpi1ZXTanSkNwmnchsZcvLL4UgZOMzqJY0HggSqYARMsk-rdnmXzesgpd_XjSkEteVVvWzJU0Ffdnn927Jho1isxjOiirDWxdzfHU6xeUwmo6EkNscE2Y01FY/s1600/20121124_154958.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4V76xOh-1ZlzqldPaGrHpi1ZXTanSkNwmnchsZcvLL4UgZOMzqJY0HggSqYARMsk-rdnmXzesgpd_XjSkEteVVvWzJU0Ffdnn927Jho1isxjOiirDWxdzfHU6xeUwmo6EkNscE2Y01FY/s1600/20121124_154958.jpg" height="206" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Photo: SteelJam</i></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">I SHALL BE PERFORMING in my usual outrageous capacity at the <a href="http://www.discworldemporium.com/" target="_blank">Hogswatch celebrations</a>. Come and see me. Come and bid on something unique. Come and join the family of Bloody Loonies. It's all right, we are, and we know it. Terry says so.</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr1gVPLWQxmr6agC0iUteNNUgPaHVoL9M13siuNmLSXJ7JQKYKIIhk69uVhWs3efG6UTSqZ1H6rAFXIvf0VFISZ4kVXKdD7WCiLRRIHWvh2IQeb9zc2t8ghCVhg4smm89uc9akS3PjPTI/s1600/cephalospeare.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr1gVPLWQxmr6agC0iUteNNUgPaHVoL9M13siuNmLSXJ7JQKYKIIhk69uVhWs3efG6UTSqZ1H6rAFXIvf0VFISZ4kVXKdD7WCiLRRIHWvh2IQeb9zc2t8ghCVhg4smm89uc9akS3PjPTI/s1600/cephalospeare.jpg" height="422" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Brian Kesinger's artwork for my tattoo. Bid on this - A3-sized signed print</i></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDC9XJpgsxB-T1_zGdJBo1JfNFI26m5_M1rtobE-HUe6WLqCRLxnBYKhUrn43JxUDvkYBFvunAY6jZGzSORQ3CMh_FZ-aNNkWusjPwQxIKBdmZij1G1x05depF_lzjJpq76XF-DMxEmQA/s1600/20141106_191149.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDC9XJpgsxB-T1_zGdJBo1JfNFI26m5_M1rtobE-HUe6WLqCRLxnBYKhUrn43JxUDvkYBFvunAY6jZGzSORQ3CMh_FZ-aNNkWusjPwQxIKBdmZij1G1x05depF_lzjJpq76XF-DMxEmQA/s1600/20141106_191149.jpg" height="320" width="302" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>The Blue Marble from my bed; My necklace. Own it</i></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWZG8UsWrsJq_X_zk1bXgLqZOnxDzKi64y_A-yfC1zvrupGbtbI1BEHExYN830zBTcz3Y5TbpPk3kOwXRX6axZeXl2UvVdJHHz3eJjWX-Q02oToGeEr56dxBPNOsROQoo9LiEQrCWBDzY/s1600/DSC03056-Edit-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWZG8UsWrsJq_X_zk1bXgLqZOnxDzKi64y_A-yfC1zvrupGbtbI1BEHExYN830zBTcz3Y5TbpPk3kOwXRX6axZeXl2UvVdJHHz3eJjWX-Q02oToGeEr56dxBPNOsROQoo9LiEQrCWBDzY/s1600/DSC03056-Edit-1.jpg" height="502" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>The finished piece. Not included in the auction. You cheeky monkeys.</i></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></td></tr>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-35217197045229111042014-11-05T16:58:00.000-08:002014-11-05T17:02:00.407-08:00Live And Let Live. Grow and Let Grow. Something About Kissing.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">Oh fuck me, I’ve
come over all ranty again.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">It’s Movember: the
time of year when – first and foremost – the campaign to raise awareness of prostate/testicular
cancer<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>1</sup></span> gets its biggest slice of the attention-pie all year. That
is, after all, what <a href="http://uk.movember.com/" target="_blank">Movember </a>is for, and I hope that actual fundraising takes
place, besides all the moustache baby-steps and hirsute guffaws. I’m all for
it. Anything that makes a difference; bonds men together; makes people happy
and adds fur to faces – those are all boxes to be ticked in my opinion (woo –
there’s that word again, Mu’s favourite). After all, I am heavily involved in
the Bearding Community and I have seen first-hand the good that Beard Clubs do,
not just in raising funds for charities but right down on a personal level.
Beards Help Their Brothers.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;"> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHVBuzu_CXueReS2X1i48dxh2Zj257azaIyqxSn4WCRUXPWbEjKie0Q2Hhz0YIsJR7Wme9sn4dizYVPmZsLxl6w7jZ9JaZkUCnUlaE211gCp0uvfsoX1WD9QYFqd_A3Vf4BsVe55UViOY/s1600/DADS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHVBuzu_CXueReS2X1i48dxh2Zj257azaIyqxSn4WCRUXPWbEjKie0Q2Hhz0YIsJR7Wme9sn4dizYVPmZsLxl6w7jZ9JaZkUCnUlaE211gCp0uvfsoX1WD9QYFqd_A3Vf4BsVe55UViOY/s1600/DADS.jpg" height="302" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some lovely Bearded Gentlemen. The Wessex Beardsmen, in fact.</td></tr>
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</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">Naturally, SocMed
fills up with the usual memes relating to moustache growth; beards; shaving;
not shaving; the superior ability of the one faction to ‘get pussy’ compared to
the propensity for the other faction to actually have one, or be one, or
something equally droll. These are met with laughter and/or derision, depending
on the point of view – nay, the OPINION – of the other users.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">A new one this year
was along the lines of (um), “She Says She’s Doing No-Shave November – She Better
Get Ready For No-‘D’ December”. I’m not posting the meme here, for fuck’s sake,
you’ve seen it enough times. I gather the implications are</span></span></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">that the Girlfriend
of the Male in question is planning to stop shaving one or more body areas from
which she is habitually inclined to undertake hair removal;</span></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">the Male is repulsed
by the prospect of the Girlfriend acquiring a month’s worth of hair growth in
said areas;</span></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">the Male proposes,
presumably as an intended punishment, withholding sexual intercourse (the “D”,
if you will) for the month following</span></span></span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">It is unclear
whether the Male intends to continue engaging in intimate acts with the
Girlfriend during the month of November, nor is it clear whether the Girlfriend
will revert to her usual state of depilatory satisfaction in time for the
apparent penance of ‘No-D December’. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">I am struggling with
the logic here. Surely the Male will punish himself twice: </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- firstly, by forcing himself to have to commit
acts which, though normally pleasurable, will disgust him (but not her,
presumably) because he is having to do them with a lady of a very slightly more
hirsute appearance during November; </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- then, for the month following, by which time
the Girlfriend has become smooth and therefore, to him, desirable once more, by
declining to engage in said acts despite the offending follicles being made
bare of their growth in accordance with his preference? <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWb_oTt_5JaGNpzVojInZa_lSqavFMumOUPb74H2gvX5ssggppC-I2BqKB78e225ZJjFVWsQ9ye3KXpXawMpEutkIu9liAguOqFGSBs-U6Cj1PD0BzVRGhDu7SfDso9e0zs_c7kIRLtgg/s1600/10610950_834183836606365_6250945121395127921_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWb_oTt_5JaGNpzVojInZa_lSqavFMumOUPb74H2gvX5ssggppC-I2BqKB78e225ZJjFVWsQ9ye3KXpXawMpEutkIu9liAguOqFGSBs-U6Cj1PD0BzVRGhDu7SfDso9e0zs_c7kIRLtgg/s1600/10610950_834183836606365_6250945121395127921_n.png" height="319" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Entirely gratuitous Jimmy Niggles shot. What? My blog...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">Now, I know what you’re
thinking. Mu, you’re thinking, Stop over-thinking it. It’s just a meme, and not
a very good one at that. Well! Clearly I am not the only one to over-think
things. ‘Swhat the Internets is for! This meme appeared in a ‘Closed’ Facebook
group where, it must be said, nearly<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>2</sup></span> all of the members are of
sound mind and sense of humour: warm, kind, tolerant, and always happy to laugh
at the ridiculous. The passion which unites us is for The Beard, and we don’t
seem to care whether it’s on a man or a lady: all are welcomed with love and
respect. It’s great. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">However, this meme
proved divisive. Debates began. Insults were thrown. True colours showed. Members
left. Others laughed. I won’t repeat any of it – it’s all filed under YHTBT<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>3</sup></span>.
But it got me thinking about Feminism. Again, not a debate I plan to open, but
I will say this: it is possible to be a Feminist and still shave your legs. Not
every woman – not every Feminist – sees hair removal as a symptom of male
oppression. If <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i> are happy with
your reasons for shaving – or for not shaving – great. That’s all you need. I
don’t care if your reason is ‘Because my boyfriend prefers it’: if that’s your
choice, that’s fine with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why does it
even need to be ‘fine with me’? See previous blogs where OPINIONS are
concerned! Stop reading! You don’t need to care what I think! I barely give a
fuck myself! There are bigger issues to be tackled by the Feminist movement
than the choice of body hair removal. But to the men who buy into this ‘No-D
December’ nonsense<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>4</sup></span>, ask yourselves a couple of questions:</span></span></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">Do you think women’s
body hair is gross because your friends say so? </span></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">Or because you watch
a lot of porn? </span></span></span></li>
</ul>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge0T3O0fYPtDroUebzDXr4tSY9XcjAZ8il7VfOwG8r2t8E6eLjs979NVA8PHQzzpF3uSY3DBpbm_e3ozRHqVZHI2g8B2Vy__7mpZwWIs_BWzdKTmVppk56frj0x2nsiWNqihAfNU4pse0/s1600/butthurt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge0T3O0fYPtDroUebzDXr4tSY9XcjAZ8il7VfOwG8r2t8E6eLjs979NVA8PHQzzpF3uSY3DBpbm_e3ozRHqVZHI2g8B2Vy__7mpZwWIs_BWzdKTmVppk56frj0x2nsiWNqihAfNU4pse0/s1600/butthurt.jpg" height="256" width="320" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span style="color: #351c75;">Photo: Nash. Meme: Me.</span></i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">Or are you so ungrateful
that the woman who lies down beside you actually desires you (whatever state
you may be in) that you can’t look past a bit of leg stubble or even a hairy
armpit?</span></span></span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;"> If your answer is
yes to any of these, seriously, grow the fuck up. Grow the fuck up. Body hair
is unimportant. What we do with it is unimportant. Don’t use it as a tool for
oppression, a symbol of liberation, don’t use it as anything. Shave it; don’t
shave it; do with it as it pleases you. Respect the right of others to do with
theirs as it pleases them<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>5</sup></span>.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">You know, though… I
got to thinking. Again. If I were a man, yeah, </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">and I was having sex
with a lady, yeah, </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">and I found she had
hairy armpits, yeah, </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">that would be kind
of cool. It would be like finding a little mini-beard in a place I wasn’t
expecting. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">A mini-beard! Amazing!
</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">Women are beautiful.
Men are beautiful. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #604A7B; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 191;">Do you know what’s
really amazing? Kissing. There should be more kissing. There just should.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><sup><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1</span></sup><i><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Movember movement also supports men’s mental health. I approve
this warmly. Love. Respect. Kindness. Compassion. Everyone. Women and Men.</span></i><sup><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"></span></sup></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><sup><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2</span></sup><i><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I say </span></i><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Nearly<i>. Clearly one or two of them turned out to
be misogynist pricks. Or maybe they were misunderstood; Judge Not Lest Ye Be
Judged. Thou Shalt Not Be A Keyboard Warrior. And all that shit</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><sup><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">3</span></sup><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">You Had To Be There. <i>That’s where it’s filed</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><sup><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">4</span></sup><i><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">No, I know it’s not really a ‘thing’. But there are people out
there who take memes more seriously than they should. For example, I’ve got a
thousand words out of doing just that</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><sup><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">5</span></sup><i><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">My own feminine horticultural arrangements remain, however</span></i><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">, <i>my business and mine alone. I will not be drawn on this</i><sup>6</sup></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><sup><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">6</span></sup><i><span style="color: #604a7b; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">And no, I don’t mean it’s drawn on. Fuck’s sake. But you know, I do
love a footnote</span></i></span></div>
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<![endif]-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-55216125695600068932014-10-23T15:27:00.000-07:002014-10-23T15:34:50.681-07:00POTASSIUM. IODINE. SULFUR. SULFUR. EINSTEINIUM. Give Me. Til I Beg You To Stop<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8nuYpO4kt7DJATuRajH4gFNi5mM1oLfpGCrLI29Ubg1RnHusAk0h7rNt8F-dL9rniieTUwoi510PeRMsRQVuUvNjmbZhgfpLFjYrNyOvDcSTTEpJ5VxaBtuBGXaU-EZcMqCLUnDuZtBs/s1600/avogadros-number-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8nuYpO4kt7DJATuRajH4gFNi5mM1oLfpGCrLI29Ubg1RnHusAk0h7rNt8F-dL9rniieTUwoi510PeRMsRQVuUvNjmbZhgfpLFjYrNyOvDcSTTEpJ5VxaBtuBGXaU-EZcMqCLUnDuZtBs/s1600/avogadros-number-1.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Fuck, that's beautiful (science.howstuffworks.com)</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">My friend Peter is witty, dashing and erudite - not to mention exceptionally highly-skilled in leatherwork*... in fact, now I come to think about it, he's quite a Catch, girls - but I am very cross with him tonight.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">No I'm not. Not really. And Peter, I am sure I never could be. I'm just cross because I read your message too late and, as a result, discovered that I had altogether missed an occasion which will, in years to come, feature on my calendar of events with a glittering star. You see, ladies and gentlemen, today was </span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">MOLE DAY</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yes - <a href="http://www.moleday.org/" target="_blank">Mole Day</a>. It's a thing. From 6:02am to 6:02pm, those who appreciate SI units in the way they should be appreciated (firmly and without blinking) may sit in silence at their desks, wishing beyond wishes that someone would ask them why they look smug. So they could explain, with diagrams, and probably a flipchart, why Amadeo Avogadro is such a fucking dude. Geeks are hot.</span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>flickr.com</i></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">I'm not going to explain it. I've put links so you can find out for yourselves. I just love the beauty of the logic which led him to conclude that, in order to compare like with like, that 'like' must first be defined. So he did it on a molecular level, because mere size, mass and volume were insufficient. And in doing so, he gave us the prettiest of numbers:</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avogadro_constant" target="_blank">6.0221412927 x 10<sup>23</sup></a></span></span><span class="nowrap"></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">. <span style="color: magenta;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: magenta;">Avogadro's Constant</span>. Or Avogadro's Mole. I love it. There, you see? Follow the link, Wiki will tell you what you need to know.</span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>www.scienceteacher.com</i></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">That's more like it. I'm just trying to convince you that my interest in, and knowledge of, the Scientific World extends beyond the <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/timc" target="_blank">Infinite Monkey Cage</a> and attempting to make rude words out of the periodic table. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Well, <span style="color: magenta;">Bismuth Tellurium Murium Yttrium Arsenic Sulfur, Molybdenum Thorium Erbium Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium Erbium Sulfur</span>**. Now go to the footnotes. Then peer-review me, because I'm clearly gagging for it.</span></span><br />
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<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">*Peter made me this. Ha - made you look. Check out that leatherwork though...</span></span></span></i><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>photo: Nash</i></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">**Yes, I made one of those up. Had to. Never let facts get in the way of a running joke</span></span></span></i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-24995946629632100422014-10-12T11:24:00.000-07:002014-10-12T14:22:34.511-07:00THIS TOO SHALL PASS. AND IT DID<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Just a quick one tonight: I was going through a trunk - you know, one of those trunks: the dusty, long-forgot ones, fastened for good reason. Ah, the follies of youth. I found this, which I must have written, and my guess is that it hurt at the time:</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">...and it made me think of this, which I've been playing in my car because I love the album. Check it out. </span></span></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZOP2NUbG2iY?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-16917921097910639122014-09-22T17:31:00.001-07:002014-09-22T17:34:43.439-07:00THE BRITISH BEARD AND MOUSTACHE CHAMPIONSHIPS 2014<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Darlings, I'm sorry. This still isn't the post I want to do. I will get there. But my mother's away and she hasn't seen the pictures yet, so this is for her sake. In haste, I have harvested these from my Facebook wall. I will credit them appropriately as soon as I can. But she's in a different time zone and - well, just have a look. it was the best day. Here you are, Mamma.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"> THE BRITISH BEARD AND MOUSTACHE CHAMPIONSHIPS </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">SEPTEMBER 13, 2014 - BATH PAVILION</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">with thanks to THE WESSEX BEARDSMEN</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">THE BRITISH BEARD CLUB</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">hosts: MICHAEL 'ATTERS' ATTREE and MURIEL LAVENDER</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">in aid of DEPRESSION ALLIANCE</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">and DOROTHY HOUSE HOSPICE CARE</span></span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-947654485443351700.post-81570274512502688892014-09-21T14:49:00.000-07:002014-09-21T14:49:23.347-07:00Your Opinion Matters. Wait - No It Doesn't. And Neither Does Mine<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">I was going to blog about this week: a lot has happened. But
I’ll tell you all of that next time, because the following exchanges occurred
this morning before I’d even got out of bed.</span></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6ZPaAXD6gd3kgAyOWUQWFqqfRXu-PzaqvN66yTJVfFvsq4hwuCA9o7nyOYFyEEboc7UGWXJqSUn7qyiy-Ax55okTeBJ4W_Zg8Q3I_tK1r_79eeJu8i9iOkTwFF4bI9E2dgNvewOWr8FM/s1600/20140914_081601.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6ZPaAXD6gd3kgAyOWUQWFqqfRXu-PzaqvN66yTJVfFvsq4hwuCA9o7nyOYFyEEboc7UGWXJqSUn7qyiy-Ax55okTeBJ4W_Zg8Q3I_tK1r_79eeJu8i9iOkTwFF4bI9E2dgNvewOWr8FM/s1600/20140914_081601.jpg" height="400" width="225" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: magenta;"><i>Yes. I'm in this.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">I say ‘exchanges’; they weren’t. I told you last time, I don’t
do social media spats. But, but, but. This is beginning in the middle. Let’s
wind back a little bit.<span> </span>Earlier this
week, issue 242 of Skin Deep Tattoo Magazine went on sale. I admit I haven’t
had cause to get all that excited about SDTM in the past, but now I have reason
to be – and not just because I’m in it. Yes, I had a small tattoo somewhere
private* as a result of youthful folly, but I never, ever dreamed I’d get
another one, or that it would be huge, or that it would raise £2000 for
charity, or that it would – oh, here it comes – end up as a five-page reader
profile in a magazine. </span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFPlH9c5Ro-ODuB_fVb2feg9MuxPnpmNU6mVwBmexuszpRcuERBKrlnHL69b9hQjBRq9bUpd8uZ5hwR-reNZVmIbrOGOWN9eXMsRlVvbQSEJf9W26N95C3XgSW6yiSClhiHCRxKfoC69Q/s1600/20140920_101445.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFPlH9c5Ro-ODuB_fVb2feg9MuxPnpmNU6mVwBmexuszpRcuERBKrlnHL69b9hQjBRq9bUpd8uZ5hwR-reNZVmIbrOGOWN9eXMsRlVvbQSEJf9W26N95C3XgSW6yiSClhiHCRxKfoC69Q/s1600/20140920_101445.jpg" height="360" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: magenta;">See? Told you</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"> I won’t say anything about the article – bloody go and buy a
copy. It’s well worth the money and there’s a nice picture of my bum in it.
Besides, you know, all the other cool tattoos and much-prettier girls. But –
exposure… it has a circulation of fifty-odd thousand or something, so you never
know what will come of it. Then, this morning, something did. One thing,
definitely: I don’t know about the other two. It’s possible. I ended up with
the feedback classic, the Shit Sandwich.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrWekyWPgWmdORAw9w4ygcY459g8BlRVcsZMfHrjBCr8F3k87BZb29tUXvTs9ZMnolZPE3eoJKUx8Q7wOaO6Ir4-N5UTfJCo3AJtcPGiEGd4wNh36AafrXhNE8zsyg7glE6tKeNmTo3cs/s1600/P+Guyll+feedback.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrWekyWPgWmdORAw9w4ygcY459g8BlRVcsZMfHrjBCr8F3k87BZb29tUXvTs9ZMnolZPE3eoJKUx8Q7wOaO6Ir4-N5UTfJCo3AJtcPGiEGd4wNh36AafrXhNE8zsyg7glE6tKeNmTo3cs/s1600/P+Guyll+feedback.jpg" height="217" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Layer one: Nice Gentleman, sent this. Charming words AND he
liked some of my poems. What a lovely thing to say! Earns a deep curtsey from
me, not to say a flutter of my fan. My actual fan. Seriously, Shup, people. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixRZz_Cs5d2jG87zHPWaDSXSaTjY2zNQYeguaD923QzGlQ8Mw9tMfDzclVK4wzgCJz_D8sP1xi33CIg4vXyW2e7H-Bq0fHe77CX-KTmEsuCM6HcR6kSvCuPFiurAIGS0lYqXrSCcj1z-U/s1600/J+Butterworth+feedback.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixRZz_Cs5d2jG87zHPWaDSXSaTjY2zNQYeguaD923QzGlQ8Mw9tMfDzclVK4wzgCJz_D8sP1xi33CIg4vXyW2e7H-Bq0fHe77CX-KTmEsuCM6HcR6kSvCuPFiurAIGS0lYqXrSCcj1z-U/s1600/J+Butterworth+feedback.jpg" height="122" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDwb0JLkyfn56jPHqwxIQ_2LkjfePPGpfG1sPD6F20m2BxCtiiIeTXUM71R-KZ525e8W0ZpPtiNXOQ1p4YHpcbA9RGETSvhPiDcuHaG6_PW6eSCBKiCkfHJPjmBMFaup10QRmmGCdUSQY/s1600/DSC_0990a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDwb0JLkyfn56jPHqwxIQ_2LkjfePPGpfG1sPD6F20m2BxCtiiIeTXUM71R-KZ525e8W0ZpPtiNXOQ1p4YHpcbA9RGETSvhPiDcuHaG6_PW6eSCBKiCkfHJPjmBMFaup10QRmmGCdUSQY/s1600/DSC_0990a.jpg" height="400" width="345" /></a><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Layer two: hardly a Gentlemanly response to the image on the right, but if all opinions are
valid, his is too**. As you know, I don’t respond to this kind of thing, but I
did share it – quite objectively, I hope; with a hint of sarcasm, I admit.<span> </span>A flood of comments followed – again, not a
wave of support but plenty of feelings on both sides of the argument. Privately
someone suggested I take a look at his profile and rip him to pieces. No. I
just wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter. Again, as has happened before, I’ve reached a
place in my life where this kind of thing doesn’t hurt. I wonder, though – does
that actually make me a Condescending Witch? Oh, the irony…</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLScElnE0vW15__D4Ir93YY9j07-mSw3oN24i8wCU25PZ826ju9o2Ogi-fb8Ie3IKV7eShuXU0o9wkPmTGY9VLO9f0tchnwrdMiVdOhDpyEw0kIGSCU3A4yQJRnet6SfmkveB5cqlN0pE/s1600/S+Wolf+feedback.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLScElnE0vW15__D4Ir93YY9j07-mSw3oN24i8wCU25PZ826ju9o2Ogi-fb8Ie3IKV7eShuXU0o9wkPmTGY9VLO9f0tchnwrdMiVdOhDpyEw0kIGSCU3A4yQJRnet6SfmkveB5cqlN0pE/s1600/S+Wolf+feedback.jpg" height="146" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">And finally, Layer three: layer three is just delicious.
Layer three is not a slice of Hovis 50/50. It’s not even a complex handmade Seeded
Batch. It’s a delicate, melting Brioche, lightly warmed between the thighs of a
– </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Well. Read it yourself. It was a private message, from a
woman. Her permission to share it has been sought and obtained.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Have you read this far? Well done, you. Seriously, I'm impressed. Thank you. I check my blog stats: no fucker reads it. Ever. The only time they even glance at it is when there are pictures of tits and arse in it, and then the chances of them actually looking at the words are almost nil. So yes, I will continue to voice my opinion, safe in the knowledge that no-one will ever, ever know what it is.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGX8ORTh_msFVkiE4klRfZ6NzYlhYanfxFwDt0IYAokzy48DIFkPcG6WKTMjfo4KPK8guir1jzP74X-qzZM-oHq4LnTmyAq70p3NYDSVCaH4j-POTBBU4xgc-wzNZ1ChEgnpnvZ56KG3w/s1600/IMG_20140811_153241.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGX8ORTh_msFVkiE4klRfZ6NzYlhYanfxFwDt0IYAokzy48DIFkPcG6WKTMjfo4KPK8guir1jzP74X-qzZM-oHq4LnTmyAq70p3NYDSVCaH4j-POTBBU4xgc-wzNZ1ChEgnpnvZ56KG3w/s1600/IMG_20140811_153241.jpg" height="320" width="228" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: magenta;">Not really my opinion. Lighten up.</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Damien Hirst can't fucking paint. </span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Some people are beautiful, both inside and out. </span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Others, though, are just c*nts. </span></span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Ignore this. My opinions are no more valid than the next fool's. See below.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then kiss me, Motherfucker.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span style="color: #351c75;">*I say ‘private’ – didn’t stop me getting it out at the the
Great British Tattoo Show when a random individual asked to see it. Can’t
believe I did that. Well… there’s a lot of nudity at these events. You stop
worrying about it after a while. Still – tut, tut</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>
</i></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span style="color: #351c75;">**All opinions are NOT valid. Ever read ‘Have Your Say’ on
the BBC website? For fuck’s sake.</span></i></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15557688097319780088noreply@blogger.com0